


Take Me to Church

by RLWoodson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RLWoodson/pseuds/RLWoodson
Summary: AU.  Castiel is going through the motions—work at his family’s company, ignore their phone calls, and avoid his past.  The monotony is broken one Tuesday by a man with beautiful green eyes who appears in his office with an envelope marked: “Hand Deliver”.  TW: Attempted rape.  businessman!Castiel





	1. Chapter 1

The coffee was too hot and his office was too cold.

Castiel was too tired for this shit.

Yesterday Anna had called and not-so-subtly hinted about going to church again. She hadn’t brought up that particular subject in a while, and Castiel hadn’t reacted favorably to it. He ended up having another nightmare, and got a grand total of three hours of sleep. Then, upon entering his office at the ass-crack of dawn, he read his to-do list of the day and almost went back home. Sometimes he didn’t like being a CEO.

Rebecca was a sweet girl, and a pretty decent secretary, but she just didn’t know how Castiel worked. Hannah, his old secretary, knew exactly what she was doing. When Zachariah called to bitch at Castiel, she’d let him know that Castiel was very busy and would call him back when he had time, even if the Novak was just reading. Rebecca patched him through with no warning.

Zachariah was one thing he had to deal with today. Zachariah Adler was one of the Novak & Sons Architecture Supply Company’s best lawyers. He was also a gigantic asshole who played dirty, which Castiel did not tolerate.

Castiel also had a meeting with a new investor in the company, something to film in the HR department, he didn’t know what, and he had to approve the design base for the next architecture project going on. On top of that, there was a young man in the mail room who was hot as the fucking sun, and it reminded Castiel of how long it had been since he had gotten laid. The length of time was higher than he cared to admit.

Castiel sipped his coffee and cursed. It was still scalding.

Later that day, Castiel tapped his foot impatiently in the elevator. There was some new song playing, and it was frustratingly catchy. Lots of “amen”s. He shook his head at that.

The new investor was an even bigger dick than Zachariah. His name was Azazel. He was arrogant and unreasonable, and Castiel had to keep a smile through the entire conversation.

The elevator dinged and Castiel stepped out, striding purposefully to his office. He was going to sit down, get his reports done, and maybe leave a little early. When was the last time he took a bath? That sounded amazing right now. A hot bath, wine... no, probably whiskey. Yes, whiskey was-

Castiel stopped dead in his open doorway. That man from the mail room was standing in the corner of the office, inspecting Castiel’s bookshelf with unmasked curiosity. He was Castiel’s height, but probably several years younger. He wore a crisp white dress shirt under a green sweater, the sleeves of both pushed up to his elbows. The button at his throat was undone.

The breath rushed quickly out of Castiel’s lungs, and the man’s face snapped towards him. Jesus, those eyes were green. Like pine trees in the sun.

“Shit,” the man said, then his eyes widened. “Uh, I mean sorry, sorry Mr. Novak, I wasn’t-” he stopped and straightened up. A light pink tinted his cheeks, but he kept his eyes up.

Castiel found himself walking forward, though his brain hadn’t told his legs to move. As he moved forward, the young man’s face became clearer. His eyes were more than just pine- there were flecks of emerald and gold and hunter green. They were mesmerizing. When he blinked, Castiel could see long, thick lashes that brushed his prominent cheekbones.

Castiel stopped walking. He knew he was staring, but when the man’s lips parted almost imperceptibly, he didn’t even try stopping himself. He could only describe them as sinful. Full and plush, with an arched cupid’s bow and a natural pout. They were just a little bit chapped, and Castiel wondered what they would look like red and kiss-swollen.

“I just came to deliver mail,” he mumbled nervously.

Castiel tilted his head. “That is the duty of my secretary,” he said as evenly as he could. Damn, he was so much more beautiful up close.

The man swallowed and Castiel watched the bob of his adam’s apple. “It says ‘Important: Hand Deliver’ on it.” He held out the letter, and Castiel recognized the handwriting immediately.

It was Gabriel’s.

With great effort, Castiel walked back to his desk and sat. Every step farther from this man seemed difficult, like he had his own gravity. Maybe he really was the sun.

His paper cutter sliced cleanly through the envelope paper, and a single sheet fluttered out.

Cassie!

Great plan, huh? His name is Dean Winchester, and he’s going to be hand delivering all your super secret mail from me for the next ever until you two get together. You’ve been staring at him ever since he got here and I know you want him, bad. I also know you’re making a face now, stop making that face. Dean is watching.

Castiel smoothed out his features, purposefully staring at his brother’s words and not Dean.

I know you can’t flirt worth shit, so try smiling. Say thank you. Use his name. Do something because your sexual frustration is starting to affect me now.

Chop chop, bro.

Your favorite sibling,  
Gabe

Castiel folded the paper carefully and slid it back into the envelope. When he had fully prepared himself, he looked back up at Dean. The Winchester stood in front of his desk, shifting from foot to foot. Castiel realized that he was waiting to be dismissed. How old was he? Twenty? Twenty-one? Castiel was thirty-five. Was that too large a gap?

No, stop it, he chided himself. He had interacted with Dean for three minutes, and he was wondering if they could be together. For all he knew, Dean was straight and taken. And even if he wasn’t, Castiel wouldn’t take his youth away. Still, he could be polite and not fucking stare like he was right that minute.

“You don’t need to deliver a reply,” Castiel said. He should probably say more, but he was still fixated on Dean’s attentive expression.

Dean nodded absently, then clasped his hands in front of him. “Okay, so I’ll just go then...”

He turned to leave and was almost to the doorframe before Castiel remembered. “Dean,” he said, and the Winchester turned, surprised. “Thank you.”

A little embarrassed smile crossed Dean’s face. “Yeah, sure,” he muttered before hurrying out the door.

Castiel sat back in his chair for a moment, the click of the closed door the only sound in the room.

Dean Winchester.

He was gorgeous. Castiel had never seen anyone more beautiful. He seemed to glow with youthful vitality, and Castiel knew what his brain was begging him to suppress. He wanted to know Dean. He wanted to know what his life goals were, what his favorite song was, how many brothers and sisters he had, and what he liked to eat for breakfast. He also wanted to know what Dean looked like at his most vulnerable state- what noises he made when he came undone, how his muscles rippled when they moved, what his grip would feel like in the throes of passion...

Castiel’s head fell into his hands. Where had this come from? Gabriel was right, he was sexually frustrated, but he couldn’t go seeking nameless company. Dean had just ruined him for that with only a few sentences.

Jesus, he was wrecked. Damn Gabriel.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Castiel almost forgot about Dean in the rush of work, and in the evening, Michael called. Castiel let it go to voicemail.

That’s how he justified his current position, laying out in his enormous bathtub with one hand wrapped around his painful member. He’d been stressed and sexually frustrated, as Gabe pointed out, so he was going to take care of himself. That was his right.

The only problem was Dean. He kept appearing in Castiel’s mind, no matter how hard he tried to stave off the images. Every time he thought of those plush parted lips, his length twitched violently in his grasp.

He could almost see it now, Dean on his knees, green eyes looking up at him innocently. His mouth looked sinful, but the image filled Castiel with a sense of awe. Would Dean’s tongue be white-hot against him? Would he hum around Castiel’s member, or better yet, moan of his own pleasure? Would his lips come away spit-slicked and red from pressure?

The thoughts built in the Novak’s head until he shouted his release, alone in his house.

He went to bed, more sated than he’d felt in a long time. He also felt more guilty than he had in a long time, like he’d defiled holy ground or something. Regardless, his sleep was restful that night.

o o o

The next day, the same occurrence happened.

Castiel sat in his office going over the month’s business model modifications, having skipped lunch entirely, when Rebecca rang. “Yes?” Castiel grunted, flipping pages.

“You have mail, sir. It’s supposed to be hand delivered.”

Castiel’s pulse skyrocketed and he sat up in his chair. “Send him in.” He hoped his voice was even.

There was a pause, then Dean Winchester cracked open the door. “Hey, Mr. Novak,” he said in that smooth voice of his. “I have your mail again.”

“Come in, Dean.” Was it his imagination, or did the Winchester shiver a bit? Dean approached, and the sight of his face up close again gave Castiel vivid flashbacks to his daydreams from the previous evening.

Calm the fuck down, he thought at his wakening member.

“Here ya go,” he said, a bit of twang shining through his words.

Castiel took his mail, brushing his fingers lightly against Dean’s maybe on purpose. All other mail was tossed aside save Gabriel’s.

Cassie,

I have some real news for you this time- Dad and Mike are thinking about coming down next weekend, so I’ve taken the liberty of getting you and some staff tickets to that convention you don’t want to go to in Baltimore. I’ll make sure they’re gone by that Sunday night.

Bless Gabriel. He was the only brother who understood.

I hope you’re enjoying Dean’s fine ass. He was definitely excited to see you again today. Spring in his step and everything. He looks like a lady-killer, but my gaydar is off the charts. Go get ‘im.

Your Ever-Loving Brother,  
Gabe

Castiel folded the sheet of paper and slipped it back in the envelope, setting it in the drawer next to the one from yesterday.

Dean was looking at him again, waiting for instructions. “No reply is needed,” he found himself saying. Dean pressed his lips together and turned to leave, but Castiel needed another minute with him. “Dean,” he said calmly.

The green-eyed man turned around.

“How old are you?” It was a strange question to ask out-of-the-blue, but he needed to know.

Dean looked surprised again. “Uh, I’ll be twenty-four next month.”

It took considerable effort not to groan aloud. He was over ten years younger than Castiel, and he found that fact pervertedly exciting. He almost missed Dean’s returned question. “How old are you?”

Castiel tilted his head. It wasn’t a question usually directed at an employer in professional conversation, but Castiel was far from offended. “Thirty-five.” He watched for a reaction.

Dean gave him a little smile, like he was trying to repress it. He nodded, and turned to leave.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel repeated from yesterday, and Dean’s smile widened.

“No problem.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next several days were much the same. Castiel would hurry to return from lunch, so he’d be there when Dean came with mail. Each time, it would be a letter from Gabriel detailing what he ate for dinner last night or how he wants to redecorate his kitchen or something distinctly unimportant, with horribly drawn doodles in the margins. Nothing hand-delivery worthy.

Every day, he learned more and more about Dean. He’d just ask one simple question, and answer one in return.

_Thursday_

“Where did you go to college?” Castiel asked quietly. Fairly professional question, right?

Dean looked down nervously. “Just Lawrence Community College, nothing special.” Castiel’s face remained smooth, and Dean looked up again. “You?”

“Amherst, in Massachusetts,” Castiel nodded. Small school, but prestigious. Then, “Masters at Dartmouth.”

Dean whistled low. “So you’re a genius,” he smiled.

“Not always,” Castiel allowed the corners of his mouth to twitch upwards. “Thank you, Dean.”

_Friday_

“Do you have any siblings?”

Dean’s smile was bigger than Castiel had ever seen. “Oh yeah, I have a baby brother, Sam. He’s real smart, like you. Goes to Stanford and everything. He’s freakishly tall, which is why some people call him a moose, but I can still take ‘im.” His hands began to gesture. “He’s a little quiet sometimes, but I swear, the kid’s like a people magnet. He could charm a cat into water.”

Dean went on about his brother, and a warm feeling spread through Castiel’s chest. The love in his eyes was evident, and Gabe’s letter was left on the table, forgotten.

Dean’s eyes darted to the clock. “Oh shit, I mean sorry, I didn’t know I was rambling. I’ll just go,” Dean looked flustered, and Castiel couldn’t hold back a smile.

“I have time,” he said calmly, gesturing for Dean to come back. “I enjoy hearing about your brother.”

“Well,” Dean put his hands on his slim hips, just so he could do something with them. “Your turn.”

“I have three brothers and one sister,” Castiel said. It was a big family, no denying that.

“Wow,” Dean breathed. “What’s that like?”

Castiel thought for a minute. “There’s never a dull moment,” he settled on. “Do you know Gabriel Novak? The head of Human Relations?” Dean nodded. “He’s my elder brother by four years.”

Dean pressed his lips together, as if suppressing a grin. Castiel took the bait. “He’s quite a character, isn’t he?”

A laugh bubbled up from Dean’s throat, and it was like the sound of bells. “You could say that! How does he keep that big bowl of candy in his office full? He offers me a lollipop every time I go in there.”

“To say he has a sweet tooth is an understatement,” Castiel agreed. “And it’s not a bowl, it’s a small fish tank.”

Dean shook his head. “That’s wild.”

“As I said,” Castiel quirked an eyebrow. “Never a dull moment.”

When Dean’s chuckling stopped, he looked up at Castiel, who was already staring. He had never seen Dean so relaxed. He had never heard Dean laugh. His eyes were green and bright, and the tiny laugh lines on his skin smoothed out until they were just looking at each other.

In an ideal circumstance, that would be the moment that Castiel would rise from his chair and grasp Dean’s shirt to haul him over the table and claim his lips. Dean seemed to hear that internal statement, because his tongue darted out to wet said lips.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel murmured, embarrassingly lower than usual, and he saw Dean distinctly shiver at this.

“No problem,” Dean cleared his throat and hurried out of Castiel’s office.

_Saturday_

Castiel was bored as fuck. He was working from home and had things to do, but he could barely work up the motivation to get something done. He instead thought of Dean, and how much he missed seeing him every day, even if it he had only really known him a week. Less than a week.

Friday’s two minute talk was eye-opening, to say the least. Dean was no longer just the fuckhot young man from the mail room, he was now a loving brother, which made him even more beautiful.

It hadn’t even been a week and he was starting to fear how intense his thoughts were becoming. He knew that he should be sending Dean away without their little questions. He shouldn’t be getting to know Dean as he brought him Gabriel’s stupid mail. He should have a talk with Gabriel.

“I wanted to talk to you, not go to a bar,” Castiel grumbled that evening as his brother pushed him through the doors to the Roadhouse.

“We can talk while we drink, bro,” Gabriel slid onto a bar seat and Castiel reluctantly followed.

“What can I get you two?” a petite blonde waitress smiled at them genuinely.

“I’d like a Mudslide, Madam,” Gabriel slung his arm around Castiel. “And for the baby bro-”

“Just a whiskey, please,” he asked her.

“A whiskey and a heart attack in a cup, coming up,” the bartender grinned, and Castiel nodded at her.

“I need to talk to you about your letters,” Castiel began quietly, and a huge smirk broke out on his brother’s face.

“You want to talk about Dean,” Gabe sang. “Have you boned him yet?”

Castiel looked around with wide eyes. “No Gabriel, Jesus. Not so loud.”

Gabriel pouted. “Why the hell not? I sent him to you wrapped in a bow. He’s totally into you, and I think you need a little Winchester in your life.”

They shut up a moment as their drinks were set in front of them, and Castiel immediately took a huge gulp of whiskey. “Do you know how old he is, Gabriel? He’s not even twenty-four. He’s eleven years younger than I am.”

Gabriel snorted. “He’s a big boy, he can make his own choices,” the shorter man sucked up some of the chocolatey drink through a straw. “Plus, it doesn’t matter what the age difference is! It’s not like you’re an old man. Maybe you could teach him a few things.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to count to ten, but Gabriel’s words stuck in his head. Maybe you could teach him a few things. Castiel had a very difficult time pushing the images out of his head... Dean on his knees, Castiel instructing him through his first blowjob. Dean on his bed, learning how it felt to have his own fingers fucking him open. Dean, pliant and obedient, waiting to-

No, god dammit. Castiel scrubbed his hands over his eyes and took another gulp of whiskey. Dean was straight probably. Yes, he seemed to enjoy Castiel’s voice, but maybe the shivers were out of discomfort, or maybe the room was just cold. He didn’t know. Anything to get those images to go away.

“He’s an employee,” Castiel continued, as if his pants hadn’t become five times tighter in the past few minutes. “I cannot think of an employee in that way.”

“He’s in the mail room, Cassie!” Gabriel set his drink down indignantly. “He asks about you, you know,” his voice became softer.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “I’m serious,” Gabriel spread his hands. “That’s the whole reason I sent him to you in the first place. I found him looking at your picture in that hallway on the third floor two weeks ago, and he asked about you.”

Two weeks ago. That was before Castiel had even seen Dean. The younger Novak said nothing, instead tracing the rim of his drink with his finger. So Dean had asked about him, so what? He was the CEO of the company Dean worked for. Dean was allowed to ask about his boss, that wasn’t out of the ordinary.

There was a murmur of voices from the entrance to the kitchen. Their waitress had her apron in her hand and was speaking to a shadowy figure in the doorframe. To Castiel’s delight and mortification, Dean Winchester stepped through the door with an apron of his own in his hand.

“Fuck,” Castiel murmured.

“Oh, Cassie, I rarely hear you swear. Does Dean have competition now?” The older Novak craned his head to see who Castiel was staring at. And it was Dean. “And the plot thickens,” he murmured.

Castiel was frozen, emotions whirling around in his head. They should leave. They should leave immediately so that Castiel wouldn’t have to find out what mixing Dean and alcohol would result in. But they should stay... Castiel had spent a whole twenty-four hours without seeing him at all, and he wouldn’t see him Sunday either.

His eyes swept over Dean. He was out of his professional clothes and instead in well-worn jeans that hung perfectly on his hips and a tight black t-shirt that said “Roadhouse Bar and Grille” on the back. His hair was messy now, and Jesus Christ was he mouth-watering.

Then Dean’s eyes clashed with Castiel’s, and he lit up like a Christmas tree. “Hey, Mr. Novak!” his lopsided smile was nearly blinding. He tied the apron around his waist and nodded at Gabriel. “Mr. Novak.”

“Dean, my boy!” Gabriel grinned devilishly. “I see you have an apron there.”

Dean glanced down quickly. “Yeah, I work here on the weekends,” he cleared his throat.

Without his permission, words slipped out of Castiel’s mouth. “Does the mail room not offer you adequate pay?” he asked, more concerned than he should be.

“No, nothing like that,” Dean was quick to shake his head. “I’m just paying for my brother’s tuition, and it’s kind of expensive.”

“Stanford is one of the best schools in the nation,” Castiel nodded. “It makes sense that it would be expensive.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

“So,” Dean cleared his throat, changing the subject. “What are y’all drinking?” His slight southern accent came out, and Castiel warmed.

“Mudslide for myself and whiskey for the bro,” Gabe gestured to their nearly-drained drinks.

Dean chuckled, removing the dirty glasses. “Jo calls those heart attacks in a cup.”

Jo must have been the blonde that left. “I know,” Gabriel grinned. “She’s pretty, isn’t she, Dean?” he glanced at Castiel, who glared daggers.

Dean stilled for a moment. “Yeah, she is, but you might want to steer clear of her. She’s like my little sister.” Castiel held back a sigh of relief.

“What, am I too old for her?” Castiel stiffened again. Dammit, Gabriel.

Dean glanced at Castiel before pouring more whiskey. “‘Course not,” he set the glass in front of Castiel with another little glance. “She’d just eat you alive.” He set another mudslide in front of Gabriel. “I’m doing you a favor here.”

Gabriel laughed, and a little tingle went through Castiel. Was Dean implying that he thought age differences meant nothing in relationships? Or only when it was a matter of just sex? Or was he just trying to scare Gabriel off? He was overthinking every word that came out of that perfect mouth.

Another patron motioned to Dean from the other side of the bar, and Dean moved away with an apologetic smile.

“We need to leave,” Castiel muttered as soon as Dean was gone.

“Whoa, whoa, I thought you liked him!” Gabriel said, too loudly for Castiel’s taste.

Castiel ignored that. “I shouldn’t be drinking around... an employee,” he finished lamely.

Gabe snorted, about to make an obscene and inappropriate remark, no doubt. “Gabriel, please,” Castiel interrupted, putting on his serious face. “I need to be alone. I need to get ready for the conference next weekend so I can leave before Michael and Dad...” He didn’t finish the sentence.

Gabriel immediately sobered up. “Calm down, Cassie, it’s gonna be fine. Let’s go.” Gabriel threw some bills onto the bar and the Novaks crossed the room towards the door. Castiel threw on his trench coat and looked back, meeting Dean’s searching gaze.

Castiel could only nod at Dean as a means of goodbye. He still looked confused as the blue-eyed man stepped resolutely out the doorway and into the waiting cab.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sunday_

 

Castiel was punishing himself.It was somewhat sub-conscious, as it happened of its own accord, but when he realized it was happening, he didn’t do much to stop it.It had been many, many years since Castiel believed in god or set foot in a church, but the old ways were engrained in him, somewhat.

 

Sunday morning found him up early, forgoing breakfast to deep clean his entire apartment.He swept and scrubbed and dusted until it shone like a model home and he was sweating through his shirt.Then he got on his treadmill and ran ten miles.Then hejumped into a cold shower and scoured his skin until the tissue was red and no trace of dirt or sweat remained.

 

He knew on some level that this harsh treatment to himself was punishment, but the suppressed goal of salvation stupidly prevented him from stopping.He sort of hated himself for times like this, when his father’s voice wouldn’t leave his head, but there was nothing he could do about it.He couldn’t change himself any more than he already had.

 

He knew what he should be doing.He should let Dean go, stop himself from inadvertently gravitating towards him.He shouldn’t be thinking the thoughts he was.

 

No, he had every right to think what he wanted.His sexuality wasn’t a sin.He wasn’t going to hell.Castiel knew this to his core.He had long since taught himself that he was not tainted or damned.There hadn’t been a god to help him, so there wouldn’t be a god to judge him.He judged himself and chose his own path.

 

But then again...Dean’s green eyes flashed in his mind.Dean was so young and innocent.Castiel may not know his life story, but he knew enough to determine that Dean didn’t need any more baggage to carry.No one deserved to carry his baggage.Dean needed someone better, worthy.He wouldn’t sully him.

 

It was three in the afternoon when he was finished with everything, already exhausted and sore.Sadly, there was still some last-minute work he had to do before going into the office tomorrow.He would have liked to have someone there to help him organize his thoughts, at least, but he didn’t want to call Rebecca in.She was his secretary, not his personal assistant.Maybe he needed one of those.

 

He turned on the radio and that new catchy song poured out.“ _My church offers no absolutes_ _, she tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."The only heaven I'll be sent to, is when I'm alone with you.”_ Castiel sighed.Time to get to work.

 

_Monday_

 

Castiel was incredibly annoyed.A board meeting was running late, which meant he might miss Dean.He checked his watch for the tenth time in as many minutes.

 

Castiel’s phone was on the table, ringer switched to silent.He was thankful of that when Gabriel’s text came in and didn’t disturb anyone.

 

_Gabriel Novak:Permission to distract, Captain?_

 

Castiel eyed his brother, who was watching Raphael rattle on about the declining economy and the effect on this year’s revenue with feigned interest.

 

Castiel tapped back a quick, _Please._

 

“Well,” Gabriel clapped his hands.“That sounds lovely, Mr. Finnerman, but I’d like to hear about the proposed goals to _fix_ this downward trend.”His voice was just the right amount of patronizing to rile Raphael up.Riled-up Raphael was not an incredibly coherent Raphael.

 

He sputtered a moment before Castiel spoke.“Alright, I think this particular subject can be tabled for our next meeting,” Castiel stood and nodded at Raphael.“Thank you for speaking, Mr. Finnerman.”Everyone was dismissed, and Castiel rushed from the room.

 

The Novak remembered to slow down and breathe before arriving at his office, just in case Dean was there.Thank god he was, because Dean was leaning against his desk, holding Gabe’s latest ‘Important: Hand Deliver’ letter up to the light.

 

The thunk of the closed door made Dean jump nearly out of his skin.“Mr. Novak, uh, I...” he stuttered, and Cas felt a little tingle of warmth spread through his chest.He was adorable.

 

“How was work?” Castiel asked, completely ignoring the letter.

 

“Huh?” Dean asked eloquently.

 

Castiel smiled.“The Roadhouse?”

 

Understanding passed over Dean’s face.“Oh, right.It was fine.Nothing too terrible.”He held out the letter to Castiel, who moved perhaps too close to take it.Even without holding it up to the light, the blue-eyed man could tell the envelope was empty.

 

“I’m glad.”Castiel found he couldn’t sit down.He stood maybe a foot away from Dean, and was pleased that they were the same height.He was staring again, but so was the Winchester.He looked a little conflicted.Perhaps wondering if he should bring up Saturday night?It was something more personal than work, which would appeal to his sense of closeness, but Dean probably wondered if that was inappropriate to bring up in the work setting.Castiel knew, though, that he wouldn’t deem anything Dean did inappropriate.

 

“You’ll be glad to know that my brother did not suffer a heart attack.”He paused.“From the heart attack in a cup.That’s what you call it, correct?”

 

Dean relaxed and grinned.“Yeah.A few more and he was sure to be a gonner.”

 

Castiel forced himself away from Dean and back to his seat.He had unconsciously swayed closer and caught a faint scent on the younger man.If he had leaned in, there was no telling if he’d ever detach himself.

 

Dean fidgeted, and Castiel realized he was staring again.“Do you want me to go?Or did you want to play the question game again?”Castiel tilted his head in confusion, and Dean stuck his hands in his pockets.“Y’know, you always ask me a question before I leave, and then I ask you back...”

 

Right, yes.What to ask him now?Castiel’s previously thought up questions were always far too invasive or too boring, in his opinion.In Dean’s presence, his thoughts of tainting the man vanished, and unabashed curiosity got the better of him.

 

“What do you dream about?” he found himself asking moments later.

 

Dean’s mouth opened and closed like a fish.“Uh...”He swallowed, and Castiel’s eyes followed the bob of his adam’s apple.“Stuff, I guess,” he toed at the carpet, cheeks pink with embarrassment.

 

“I too dream about ‘stuff’,” Castiel let a tiny teasing glint in his eye.

 

Dean looked flustered for a moment, then narrowed his eyes at Castiel.“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” he asked.

 

Castiel’s smile dropped off his face.Dean had cursed in front of him before, but the term ‘fucking’ rolled off his tongue in the best way.The percussive consonants made Castiel think of his lips and tongue, pressing together and apart to form the syllables.If he could only remove the ‘with’.

 

“I am,” Castiel said, a bit too low.He wished.

 

He did not miss the distinct darkening of those green eyes.“Yeah,” Dean breathed.

 

Castiel’s fingers itched to touch, to rip his offending clothing away and show him the true meaning of the term ‘fucking’.“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, as he did every other day, and Dean nearly stumbled out of the room.

 

The second the door closed, Castiel’s head dropped onto his desk.So Dean was attracted to him.That was obvious, no matter how much Castiel dismissed it.And he was so beyond attracted to Dean that the mere thought of his presence sent his heart fluttering.

 

No, he had more control than that.The knowledge that Dean was affected by him sent sparks of pleasure through him, but he wouldn’t give in.He would stop this.He thunked his head on his desk again, realizing that work just became a lot harder.

 

o o o

 

The next two days were a little easier to get through than Monday.Tuesday, he learned that Dean’s favorite color was blue, and Castiel’s was green.Wednesday, he learned that they shared a love of cheeseburgers.Thursday was... interesting.

 

Castiel was standing next to Rebecca’s desk outside his office.“I’m pregnant, Mr. Novak.”

 

Castiel didn’t understand.Rebecca was slim, with maybe the slightest protrusion from her abdomen proving that statement.“Congratulations,” he said.“Why does it sound like an apology?”

 

“I’m moving up to New Hampshire to be with my family,” she told him.“I have to put in my notice.”

 

Castiel blinked.“Oh.That’s alright.”Shit.He was just thinking that he could use two secretaries and now he would have none?

 

“I will also be unable to go to the conference with you this weekend,” she said apologetically.Well.That was tomorrow.

 

“That... will be fine,” Castiel murmured, already lost in thought.This was bad.He didn’t even know everything he was supposed to be doing this weekend.He turned to go back into his office when he caught Dean standing behind the pair.

 

“Hey, Mr. Novak,” he said carefully.

 

“Hello, Dean,” he greeted the younger man, thoughts torn between how wonderful Dean looked today and what the hell he was going to do with himself.

 

Dean eyed Rebecca, who was typing up something last minute, possibly.The letter was clasped in his hand.“You may come in,” Castiel opened the door.It was the first time he had actually invited Dean into his office unbidden.

 

“Sorry about your secretary,” Dean shuffled towards the center of the room.“I wasn’t eavesdropping, y’all were just outside.”

 

“It’s not a problem,” Castiel leaned against his desk.“I’ve just become painfully aware of how unprepared I am to run my own life.”

 

Dean chuckled.“It get’s easier, man,” he said, like he was the one imparting wisdom unto Castiel.Maybe he was.

 

Castiel’s mouth opened without his permission.“Would you like a promotion?”

 

Dean’s mouth dropped open for a second, and Castiel could see the wheels turning in his head.After a second, his parted lips closed and his brow furrowed.“I appreciate the offer, Mr. Novak, but you don’t need to promote me ‘cause you feel bad.I know I’m working two jobs, but it’s going fine and-”

 

“Dean,” Castiel interrupted, and the younger man fell silent.“I was not offering charity.I requested you because I know you work hard.If anyone can help me get my shit together, as Gabriel says, it would be you.”Where was this coming from?

 

A slow grin spread across Dean’s face.“You mean it?”

 

The corners of Castiel’s lips quirked up.“I do.Though, not as a secretary; as a personal assistant.”Yes, that would be better.It might come back to bite him in the ass, but it was his own damn fault.

 

“Well then,” Dean tossed the letter onto Castiel’s desk.“I guess I’m your new PA.”

 

Castiel smiled brightly, then frowned.“Will you be available this weekend?”

 

“Yeah, what’s going on?”

 

Castiel raised an eyebrow.“You’ll be traveling to Baltimore with me and a few staff members to attend a conference.”

 

Dean’s eyes went wide.“Okay.Okay, I can do that.Uh, let me talk to-” he looked back towards the direction of Castiel’s now-former secretary.

 

“Rebecca,” the Novak supplied.

 

“Yeah, Rebecca.Hang on.”

 

As Dean and Rebecca conversed, Castiel strode to his desk and picked up the phone, dialing Ruby’s number in the mail room.

 

“Ruby Doe, mail room,” came the response.

 

“Hello, this is Castiel Novak.I’m calling to inform you than one of your employees, Dean Winchester, has been promoted and will not be returning to the mail room again.”Ruby said something, but it was mumble-y and Castiel hung up.

 

This was all going very fast.

 

Castiel sat heavily in a chair near the corner of his office just as Dean re-entered the room with a small stack of papers in his hands.

 

“Okay,” he said, an expression of intense concentration on his face.“So the plane takes off at eleven thirty, and the flight’s two and a half hours long plus time change, so we’ll get in at three-ish.We should all be at the airport at ten or ten thirty, just in case something goes wrong.I have the tickets here...” he flipped a few papers, “and here’s the conference itinerary.So if we get there at three, check in to the hotel by four, then we’ll have time to eat dinner before the opening at six.”

 

Dean looked up and was met with Castiel’s awed stare.Dean had been his PA for all of five minutes and had already taken to it like a fish to water.“Amazing,” Castiel murmured to himself, but Dean heard and flushed beet red.

 

“So, uh, I guess I should pack?”

 

“Yes,” Castiel swallowed.“Yes, you may go early to pack.”

 

Dean looked down at himself.“What kind of clothes do I need to bring to this thing?”

 

“You are perfect as you are,” Castiel said.It just kind of slipped out.Oops.

 

Dean muttered a thank you and was out the door quickly.Castiel didn’t really register this; he was still stuck on the fact that Dean was now his new personal assistant.He would be seeing a lot more of him.The thought was both thrilling and terrifying.How the hell was he going to control himself now?

 

That evening, Castiel received a call from an unknown number.

 

“Castiel Novak.”

 

_“Hey, Mr. Novak.”_ It was Dean’s voice. _“I got your number from Rebecca.”_

 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said slowly.It was getting late, and hearing Dean’s actual voice in his sleepy state brought several bedtime-themed images of the young man to his mind.

 

_“Just wanted to let you know that a car’s picking you up tomorrow from your house at nine thirty.I scheduled one for the rest of the staff going too.”_

 

Castiel blinked slowly.“That was very thoughtful of you,” he murmured.In the past, they all just sort of showed up at the airport and met at the gate, but this was much more efficient.

 

_“‘Course,”_ Dean voice was proud. _“Gotta take my new job seriously, don’t I?”_

 

Castiel chuckled.“Of course.”

 

There was a long pause. _“So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”_ It was more of a question, even though Dean held the plane tickets in his hands.

 

“You will,” Castiel stretched out in his bed.“Thank you, Dean.”

 

The Winchester cleared his throat on the other end of the line. _“Night, Mr. Novak.”_

 

“Good night, Dean.”Click.

 

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.From Dean’s voice alone, he was standing at attention, impatient and needy.In his tea-warmed state, he didn’t stop himself from gripping his length tightly and losing himself in thoughts of darkened green eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel stepped out of the surprisingly nice car, suitcase in hand, and strode into the airport.His trench coat flapped behind him, and his esophagus still burned from the hasty cup of coffee he downed before the car arrived at his apartment.

 

Dean stood amidst the small group of staff.It was less of a group and more just Crowley and Jody Mills.Dean was saying something and tapping on a tablet.

 

“Mr. Crowley, Mrs. Mills, Dean,” Castiel greeted the small group, and Dean beamed up at him.

 

“Hey, Mr. Novak.”Crowley was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing.The British man was occasionally an insufferable little shit, but he was invaluable as the head of PR, and was actually very accommodating when he chose to be.Castiel had a strange relationship with him, as if he were the weird uncle at the family gatherings.

 

Jody Mills, on the other hand, was one of the people he respected most in the world.She was a Vice President for a reason.Jody Mills was unwaveringly warm, loyal, and dedicated.Her mothering tendencies put everyone around her at ease.However, she never once took shit from anyone.She could hold her ground against the most biting of adversaries and tear them to pieces with her words.She was, as Gabriel put it, a gem.

 

And then there was Dean, who was still smiling at him like the sun shined out his ass.That was where Castiel’s thoughts trailed off.

 

“Good, all on time,” the Novak remarked.

 

The trip through security was quick, and the small group found themselves waiting at the gate.There was that catchy song again, playing in the background near the gate.“ _Take me to church_ _, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies, I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife..._ There was still nearly an hour to wait before they could board the plane, and while Castiel chatted idly with Crowley, Dean disappeared.

 

Castiel fought the urge to look for him.Dean was a big boy, he could walk around an airport without needing to check-in every five minutes.

 

“Exceptional young man, isn’t he?” Crowley asked, as if reading Castiel’s thoughts.

 

Castiel chose his words carefully.“He’s adapting very well to his position on such short notice, yes.”

 

Crowley raised an eyebrow, but Castiel kept his face blank.The man was too perceptive for his own good.

 

It was then that Dean returned with four cups in tow.He handed each out, one by one.“Tea with milk for Mr. Crowley, because he insulted my coffee more than once.” Dean handed a steaming cup to the grinning Brit.“Peppermint mocha with an extra shot for Mrs. Mills, because your favorite things are Christmas and caffeine.”Jody smiled brightly at him.“And black coffee for Mr. Novak with a few ice cubes, because you always burn your tongue.”Castiel took his cup with surprise.How did Dean know?

 

“It’s amazing you remembered,” Jody rubbed Dean’s back.“It was last January when I told you that.”

 

Castiel’s brow furrowed.Last January was _way_ before Dean begun working for Novak  & Sons.

 

Dean must have seen his confused face.“Jody, I mean Mrs. Mills, comes to our family Christmases.She’s Ellen’s best friend.Ellen is Jo’s mom, who runs the Roadhouse.”Castiel nodded, trying to keep up.“Ellen’s like family to me, so we all spend the holidays together.”

 

“And what did you order?” Castiel found himself asking.

 

Dean looked down at his cup.“A latte.”He glanced up at Castiel.“It’s kinda girly, I know, but my brother’s a health freak and it always annoys him when I get this much sugar.”

 

Castiel smiled, remembering when he was younger, and Gabriel would always find a way into his room, no matter how tightly he locked it.Brothers were made to annoy.He sipped his coffee- the perfect temperature.

 

It seemed like minutes before their seats were being called to board.They had row 4, seats C and D, and row 5, seats C and D.To Castiel’s pleasure, Dean dropped into a seat next to him.

 

“I’ve never been in first class before,” the Winchester patted the leather seats.“Way better than economy.”Castiel ran his fingers over his own seat’s leather.This was one thing about his job that he loved- flying.He always took a window seat to see the expanse of ground below.He always imagined that it was just him in the sky, free of earthly duties.

 

_“Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be taking off momentarily.Flight attendants please be seated for departure.”_

 

Castiel settled into his seat, embracing the pulling sensations as they left the ground.Soft humming came from his left, and he turned to Dean.The man was gripping the seat’s cushioned arms tightly, his eyes screwed shut.He was humming something that Castiel vaguely remembered from his college days, when his favorite music was classic rock.

 

“Are you humming Metallica?” he asked quietly.

 

“Calms me down,” Dean muttered.

 

“You don’t like flying,” Castiel stated rather than asked.Dean shook his head.“Tell me a story then.”

 

Dean opened his eyes.“What?”

 

“Tell me a story, or something to take your attention off the flight,” Castiel asked, leaning forward.“Tell me about something you love.”

 

Dean tensed as the plane hit a bit of turbulence.“Well, I love my car,” Dean chuckled humorlessly to himself.

 

“What kind of car of you have?” the blue-eyed man coaxed.

 

“She’s a Chevy Impala.1967.Built her myself, actually.”

 

Castiel’s brow furrowed.“You built the entire car?”

 

Dean let out a little laugh.“I mean, my dad wrecked her, absolutely totaled.They wanted to scrap her and sell the pieces, but I put her back together.She’s perfect now.”

 

Dean’s hands had loosened their grip on the armrests.“When did you do that?” Castiel asked.

 

Dean sat back.“I was fourteen or fifteen, I think.Not legal to drive, anyway.My dad was, uh,” Dean glanced away, “inebriated, and he crashed the car.Our family friend owns a garage, and he was gonna give us a good price for the scrap metal, but I convinced him to let me keep it.I worked on her for months.”

 

Dean went on to talk about some specifics that Castiel didn’t understand, things about the engine and how he acquired certain parts.He’d nod and smile anyway, enthralled with how animated Dean became.His eyes lit up like they did when he talked about his brother, and the corners of his mouth pulled up of their own accord.

 

His voice was beautiful.The smooth grumble traveled up and down the scale like music.He used his hands when he talked, motioning to show the shape of the hood or mime fixing some valve or another.

 

He moved on to the weird little things he loved about his car, like the toy soldier permanently stuck in the ashtray and the legos in the air vents.“My dad was pissed, but he couldn’t get them out without taking apart the inside.They still rattle around when I turn the heat on.”

 

Castiel smiled, and Dean fell quiet and matched him.“We have only about forty-five minutes left,” Castiel gave Dean a wry look.

 

Dean’s jaw dropped.“Oh.”He looked past Castiel out the window without shaking.“Thanks, Mr. Novak.”

 

“Castiel,” he said suddenly.Dean’s eyebrows furrowed.“You may call me Castiel.We’ll be working very closely with each other from now on...” the Novak shrugged.

 

“Castiel,” Dean tested out the word.It sounded like honey in his voice, syllables rolling easily off his tongue.“Castiel it is then.”

 

Castiel couldn’t repress a little shiver of delight when Dean said his name.The way one says a name can say a lot.The Novak could easily imagine it breathed against his lips, low and full of need.Or cried out, reverberating around his bedroom, wavering as the man shook.

 

He looked away quickly.Forty-five minutes left.

 

Thankfully, Dean fell into a light sleep.Castiel tried to keep his eyes off his dozing form, not noticing how the thin lines on his face smoothed out in sleep, or how his lips parted just barely...

 

The images in his head changed.Dean, sleeping soundly in Castiel’s fluffy bed, limbs askew and hogging pillows.Dean sprawled across Castiel’s couch, light of the forgotten television flickering in the background.The pictures thrilled him just as much as the previous ones had.

 

Castiel hadn’t realized that he too had dozed off until the plane began its final descent, his ears popping painfully to wake him.Dean didn’t open his eyes until the wheels touched down, and surprise took his sleepy features.“Hey, we’re there,” he mumbled.

 

“We are,” Castiel smiled at his half-lidded expression.“You survived.”

 

Dean grinned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.“Thanks to you,” he mumbled, grabbing his carry on.Castiel said nothing as they all stepped out of the plane.Jody and Crowley were in the middle of an intense debate about some cult book series, so the Winchester and the Novak walked side by side quietly. 

 

Castiel wasn’t sure what compelled him to speak, but he did.“How did you come upon Novak & Sons?”Innocent question.Business-like.

 

“It was Sam, actually,” Dean hefted his bag on his shoulder.“He’s actually really interested in the company after your brother gave a talk at Stanford, and Jody loves working here.I needed another job and it just seemed like the right place to look.”Dean shrugged.

 

The corner of Castiel’s lips quirked up, and he nodded.Dean’s eyes looked him over once, curiously.“I know your name’s in the company name and all, but did you want to be CEO your whole life?”

 

Castiel’s smile dropped.Should he tell him?A glance forward told him that Crowley and Jody weren’t listening.“I almost went into the air force,” he said quietly.

 

Dean’s eyebrows rose.“Why didn’t you?”

 

“Various reasons,” he said.Dean looked at him expectantly, and he sighed.“My father disapproved, and threatened to cut me off.I was fine with that, until... someone tipped off the local Air Force recruiter of my sexuality, and he too disapproved.That left me with few options.”

 

There was a moment of quiet, and Castiel wondered if he had said too much.He had kept it to the barest minimum he could, but-

 

“God, Cas, I’m so sorry,” Dean murmured.The previous memories of that time in his life vanished with the mention of the nickname.Cas.Dean’s eyes widened as if he just realized he said it.“Oh, uh, sorry.Castiel is a mouthful.”

 

“Cas is fine,” Castiel’s smile was back.“It’s far better than my brother’s nickname for me.”

 

“Which is...?” Dean prompted.

 

“Cassie.”

 

The Winchester laughed.“You’re right, Cas is better.”Then after a second, “I dated a girl named Cassie once.”

 

Castiel didn’t have time to respond to that.Crowley and Jody were climbing into their shuttle bus, which took them directly to the hotel and convention center.The bus ride was short, and Dean was engaged in a conversation with Jody about something or other.Castiel was content to sit beside Dean, absorbing his warmth in the crowded bus.

 

They each had separate rooms, as was the rule, however torn Castiel felt about it.Same floor, though, thank goodness.

 

Castiel sat in his room, watching the clock.The first presentation was a motivational speaker, Dick Roman, and the Novak groaned to himself.At least that would be the only presentation that day, and then they were free to do as they please.Castiel would cross that particular bridge when he came to it.

 

_Knock knock._ “Cas?It’s me.”

 

He felt himself relax and tense at the same time.It was a really weird feeling.“I’m coming,” he called, shrugging on his suit jacket.He left his beloved trench coat behind.

 

Castiel shut his door quietly.Dean was armed with an iPad and a smile.“Mrs. Mills and Mr. Crowley are downstairs already.“We’ve got a motivational speaker first, it’s-”

 

“Dick Roman, I know,” Castiel and Dean walked towards the elevator.“Prepare yourself.”

 

They were the only ones in the elevator.The second the doors closed, a huge blanket of tension fell over the cramped space.It felt ten degrees hotter, and Dean shifted his feet nervously.What if Castiel just pushed Dean against the wall and claimed him, right there?Would Dean let him?Would he melt under Castiel’s touch?

 

He had leaned almost imperceptibly into Dean’s space, and Castiel forced himself to snap out of it.Dean said something about dating a girl earlier, one named Cassie.This indicated straightness, or past straightness...Castiel needed to stop.

 

It was then that Dean’s head turned, and his green eyes met blue.Castiel hadn’t realized he was staring, but Dean didn’t look uncomfortable.No, he looked... no, it couldn’t be lustful.His pupils were dilated because of the dark.But his lips were parted deliciously.Castiel wondered for the thousandth time what they would taste like.

 

_Ding!_ The doors slid open and the spell was broken.Castiel cleared his throat, embarrassed, and marched out of the elevator.After a second, he heard Dean’s footsteps catch up.

 

They didn’t say another word until they were seated next to Jody and Crowley, the latter of which took a swig from a flask.“It’ll be a miracle if I make it through the hour,” the man grumbled.Castiel remembered something about the Brit working with Dick Roman years ago and being fired unreasonably.

 

“Drinks on me if you do,” Castiel joked.His face was unmoving, but Crowley knew him well enough to chuckle.

 

The presentation wasn’t too horrible.Castiel didn’t care enough to take notes, but Dean typed out notes on his iPad for Castiel, which he found kind of heart-warming.At the end of his little introduction, Roman said, “I’m a shark.And a shark’s gotta eat.”

 

Dean let out a breath, and Castiel looked over to him.On the screen, Dean had typed _Dick Roman = Royal Dick_

 

Castiel couldn’t hold back a little giggle, and Dean grinned widely at him.Dean took wonderfully detailed notes that Castiel never thought to take, and he put in little sassy comments and jokes that the Novak couldn’t help but laugh at.Watching his fingers fly over the screen was mesmerizing, and before Castiel knew it, the presentation was over and he didn’t feel like throttling Motivational Speaker Roman.

 

They stepped out of the ballroom that the presentation was being held at, and the throng of people were milling about, speaking to each other in boisterous voices.“I think this is a networking reception,” Dean murmured.

 

“Right, yes,” Castiel cleared his throat.Speaking to his peers, that was not something he looked forward to.And yet...

 

“Is that Castiel Novak I see?” a bald, dark-skinned man clapped him on the back.

 

“Hello, Uriel.I was unaware that you were coming.”Castiel smiled politely.

 

The man leaned back.“It appears that with promotions come more responsibilities.”It was then that he seemed to notice Dean fidgeting at Castiel’s elbow.“And who is this?”

 

Castiel nodded reassuringly at Dean.“This is Dean Winchester, my personal assistant.Dean, this is Uriel Angelo, a friend of mine from grad school.”

 

Though he looked a little uncomfortable, Dean stood straight and shook his hand firmly.“Nice to meet you, Mr. Angelo,” he said before melting back behind Castiel.

 

“They start so young these days,” Uriel gave the blue-eyed man a wry smile, as if Dean weren’t even there.

 

“Sir,” a brunette with sweeping hair stepped up to Uriel.“Bartholomew just arrived.”

 

“Excellent!He’ll be happy to see you, Castiel.”Uriel clapped a hand on the Novak’s shoulder.“Inias, why don’t you ask Winchester about the company?See how he likes it there?”Uriel pulled Castiel away and Dean shot him a pleading look.Castiel gave him an answering sad look. _I’m sorry for leaving you alone here,_ it said.

 

Bartholomew was another friend from Grad school.They chatted idly, subtly edging in comments about their statuses and wealth.Castiel was only half paying attention; he had one eye on Dean at all times.Uriel’s assistant- Inias- was lo longer standing ramrod straight.He was leaning casually onto the nearest table, smiling at Dean with a glint in his eye.Dean’s back was turned towards Castiel, so he couldn’t monitor what was happening.

 

“Castiel,” Bartholomew snapped the Novak out of his admittedly jealous haze.

 

“Yes, hello,” Castiel cleared his throat.“Apologies.”Uriel and Bartholomew were looking at him strangely.“I- I forgot that I never allowed my employees time for dinner.Please excuse me.”

 

Castiel got the fuck out and beelined for Dean and Inias, the latter of whom was leaning close to Dean with clear bedroom eyes.“Dean,” Castiel put a hand on the Winchester’s shoulder.

 

“Oh, hey Cas.”Was it Castiel’s imagination or did Dean lean into his touch?

 

“Inias,” Castiel greeted the other man, who leaned away from the two.“I apologize for the intrusion, but my employees and I are going to dinner now.Dean?”

 

Dean gave Inias a polite smile.“I’ll see you around,” he said.

 

“Hope so,” Inias smiled brightly.

 

Castiel’s hand tightened imperceptibly on Dean’s shoulder, and the two walked quickly away.Castiel let his hand drop after a minute, embarrassed at the barely concealed territorial display.

 

“Thanks,” Dean said, surprising Castiel.“That was, uh, uncomfortable.”

 

Castiel glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.“He was...”

 

“Hitting on me, yeah,” Dean chuckled.

 

“And you prefer women,” Castiel said evenly.

 

Dean pointedly didn’t look at Castiel.“No, actually.Just not him.”

 

Castiel blinked.“Oh.”From the source itself, Dean liked men.Didn’t matter.Castiel was still restraining himself.

 

They found Jody and Crowley quickly, both of whom were excited to leave.The restaurant they selected was dim and noisy, but it was in the hotel and therefore required no transportation.

 

Dean and Jody began a conversation reminiscing about someone’s birthday a few years back, with Crowley torn between listening and laughing, and watching Castiel.That man was too perceptive for his own good, and Castiel was suddenly nervous that his attraction was written all over his face.

 

Luckily the dinner didn’t last long, as all participants were eager for solitude in their own rooms.The elevator ride was less tense, though Dean still stood close to Castiel.The older man said nothing, content to feel the warmth radiating from the younger.

 

They all parted ways, Castiel forcing himself not to make up an excuse to keep talking to Dean.But he had to say goodnight, like he always said goodbye to him.It was a compulsion.

 

Jody and Crowley were gone and Dean was opening his door when Castiel put a hand on his bicep.Dean turned to look at him, blinking big green eyes.“Good night, Dean,” he said quietly.

 

Dean took a quiet breath.“Night Cas,” he murmured.His lips were there, so close, if he could only close the few-inch gap...No, he couldn’t.With his remaining will power, he gave Dean a little smile and let himself into his own room a few doors down.

 

Once it was closed, he leaned against it, well aware of how bad his idea to make Dean his personal assistant was.Well, it was a good idea because Dean was hardworking and dedicated and so far, really good at it.It was bad because, well, his urges were getting stronger.

 

And he wouldn’t do that to Dean.Dean deserved the freedom that twenty-somethings should have.And if he didn’t want that, Dean deserved someone like Inias.The man was, what, twenty-six?Twenty-seven?Much younger than Castiel.A younger man would be ready for things at the same time as Dean.They would make the decision to get a house together, maybe adopt kids together.They would grow old together.After all, there was a big difference between sixty and seventy.

 

But what if Dean _could_ handle it?What if he didn’t need freedom?What if he was okay that Castiel already picked out a big, nice house and has his life together?Castiel groaned.He looked willing, even if he didn’t know what he would get himself into.

 

This war inside him was tiring.He needed sleep.

 

Castiel barely managed to undress before falling face first onto the stiff hotel bed, asleep in minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel woke from his nightmare, barely able to muffle his scream with a pillow.It took a second, but his wild eyes eventually recognized the room as a hotel room, as his body as that of a thirty-five year old man’s.

 

As his heartbeat slowed, he tried to shake the horrible images from his head.They were usually about his father, but this one was about Michael.It wasn’t even a specific memory, just the cold blanket of terror, dread, and depressive acceptance.Castiel shook his head, expelling thoughts about cold, black eyes and acid-like touches.

 

He showered quickly in scalding water, hoping to burn away the rest of his sleep.It did clear his head, thank goodness, and he dressed quickly, ignoring the dark circles under his eyes.

 

Nearly an hour later, Castiel met Jody and Crowley at the elevator.“Day two,” Jody muttered before pressing the button.

 

Castiel’s brow furrowed.“Are we not waiting for Dean?”

 

“Your boy toy’s gone downstairs already,” Crowley said dismissively, but Castiel knew better.He was teasing him.“Maybe to meet that other strapping young fellow.”

 

Castiel was not in the mood.He wasn’t awake enough to respond appropriately, though he’d already downed the two cups of coffee the hotel rooms stocked up on.Instead, he stepped into the closing elevator and pressed his lips together, resolutely making no sound.

 

The elevator music was low, thankfully.“ _My lover's got humor_ _, She's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should've worshipped her sooner_.”

 

Dean was nowhere to be found when the three arrived at the convention brunch.They took a seat and Jody set her purse on an additional chair, saving it for Dean.“Mr. Novak?” she asked him quietly.

 

“Yes, Mrs. Mills?” he answered, trying to seem alert and interested.

 

Jody frowned.“Are you alright?”

 

Castiel forced a smile.“I’m fine.Just a bit tired.I haven’t been to a convention in a while.”He’d gotten good at lying, and Jody believed him.

 

“Hey, Cas,” a much more comforting voice said from behind.Castiel turned to find Dean, beautifully awake and gorgeous as ever in business attire, holding two coffee cups.

 

“Morning,” Castiel said, gesturing to the chair saved for the young man.

 

Dean set a cup in front of Castiel’s empty plate.“The coffee is really crappy here, and there’s a little coffee shop next door.The stuff’s way better.”Castiel raised the cup to his lips and took a sip.Warm, rich, and not scalding.

 

“You remembered the ice,” Castiel didn’t have to force a smile this time.

 

Dean jokingly scoffed.“‘Course I did.I know what I’m doing.”He grinned, and something pulled in Castiel’s chest.

 

Jody gave him a secretive smile, and he ignored her.

 

The day went mostly as it had the evening before.There were keynote speakers from various companies, workshops, and painful networking opportunities.Dean stuck close to his side, and Castiel was grateful.Dean didn’t ask about the dark circles around his eyes, or why he drank another cup of coffee after inhaling the one Dean gave him.

 

The last event of the weekend was closed, and Castiel was excited to get out of the ballroom and into his bed, maybe watch some B-rated horror movie and have dreams about _The Blob_ instead of his brother.Maybe Dean would go over the notes from the convention with him or something.Just the prospect of spending innocent time with himsounded amazing.

 

“Dear lord, is that Castiel Novak here before me?” a smooth British voice said just as he was getting ready to leave.

 

“Ahhh it’s Cassie!” a female voice squealed, and he couldn’t help but smile.

 

Castiel turned to see Balthazar and Charlie, the latter of which was sprinting at him.“Oof!” he caught Charlie in a hug.“Hello to the both of you.”

 

“I thought you hated conventions!” Charlie said, automatically fixing his tie and smoothing down the wrinkles in the shoulders of his suit.

 

“I thought you hated people,” Balthazar reached them and clasped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

 

“You are both correct, and yet I’m here.”He couldn’t help grin at his friends, until someone behind him caught Charlie’s eye.

 

“You didn’t tell us you had a _boyfriend_?!” she squealed, and Castiel’s eyes widened.He spun around.

 

“Oh, uh, I’m not... I mean, we’re not, y’know, together,” Dean stuttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

 

Balthazar raised an eyebrow at Castiel, and Dean shot him a pleading look.

 

“Dean is my personal assistant,” the Novak explained, moving to stand next to him.“Dean, these are my college friends-”

 

“Current friends, you ass,” Charlie fake-punched him in the shoulder.

 

Castiel smiled.“My _current_ friends, Charlie and Balthazar.”

 

Balthazar was giving him that smile that he always wore before embarrassing Castiel in college.Castiel held back a groan, because that meant he was about to do it again.

 

“Come out for drinks with us!Both of you.”He grinned at Dean, who relaxed a little bit.

 

Castiel opened his mouth to argue, but it would be really nice to see his friends, but...They would undoubtedly embarrass him in front of Dean, tell all the horror stories from the good ol’ days, and force feed him enough alcohol to dance on a table.

 

“Sounds good, if it’s cool with Cas,” Dean made the decision for him, looking expectantly at the older man.

 

There was a little pause, and then, “Why not?”

 

The four went to the hotel bar, which was surprisingly nice for one.Balthazar immediately ordered everyone two shots of tequila.“I insist!” he said over the buzz of the room.

 

Castiel hadn’t taken shots in over six years, if he remembered correctly.Dean downed his quickly, showing absolutely no reaction to them.Castiel took one hesitantly and felt the burn sink to his stomach.He scrunched up his nose.

 

“You alright there?” Dean asked him with a grin.

 

Castiel drank the other before replying.“It’s been awhile.”

 

“Dean,” Charlie began.“How long’ve you been Cassie’s PA?”

 

Dean chuckled.“Only a few days, actually.”

 

“Balthazar,” Castiel interrupted, saving Dean from the third degree.“I thought you went back to London last year.”

 

The blonde shrugged and ordered himself a drink.“A case with my name popped up, and I couldn’t say no.”

 

“Balthazar is a criminal defense lawyer,” Castiel explained to Dean.

 

“The best of my kind,” he said.

 

“Humble too,” Charlie grinned, and then turned to Dean.“Where did Castiel find you anyway?”

 

“I actually worked at Novak & Sons for a few weeks before the promotion,” Dean smiled, sipping his amber liquid.

 

“A few weeks, huh?” she gave Castiel a knowing smile.He wanted to sink into the floor.

 

“You’re supposed to be in New York,” Castiel deflected the subject.

 

“I took a break,” Charlie shrugged.“Owning an engineering company and being a female, if incredibly gay, is actually not fun,” she pouted.“Plus, the company is in good hands.I left Dorothy in charge.”She wiggled her eyebrows and Dean chuckled.

 

“You left your wife to run your company?” Balthazar’s eyes widened.

 

“Wife?” Castiel’s did too.

 

Charlie grinned.“I liked it, so I put a ring on it.And she _is_ a VP, so it shouldn’t be too difficult for her.”

 

“How is it?” Dean asked.“Working with your wife, I mean.”

 

“Surprisingly easy,” she glanced at Castiel.“We do work at work and we don’t bring it home unless necessary.We both have a good work ethic, and I don’t treat her differently because of it.”She shrugged, and Castiel’s heart was beating far too fast.Maybe it was the tequila.

 

He immediately ordered another drink, along with the rest of the table.

 

After far too short a time, they decided to regale Dean with stories of college Castiel.“Seriously, he taught the freshmen about Foucault while totally smashed.Tie around his head and everything.”

 

“He once sat on the top of a bank at two in the morning because he wanted to read with better lighting.He had no idea that there was a robbery in progress, and he spent the night in jail with a hobo.”

 

“Our senior year, he crashed a wedding by pretending to be in the band.He got through three Aerosmith songs before they threw him out.”

 

“He lost a bet with Balth and paid him over fifteen hundred dollars in change.Buckets of change, Dean.”

 

“We dated for a bit,” Balthazar grinned evilly at Castiel.“Worst decision he’s ever made, probably.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened, and Castiel balked.“It was for three weeks!” he cried, liquor clearly taken over.“And it was weird.”

 

Charlie made a face and swayed in her chair.“It _was_ weird.”

 

“ _Anyway,_ ” Balthazar turned his attention to Dean, who looked pleasantly drunk.“Tell us about you, Dean.”

 

The Winchester set down his whiskey.“Whaddaya want to know?” he asked.

 

“Got a lady friend in your life?” Charlie put her chin on her palm, as if listening to a story.

 

Dean chuckled.“Nope.”

 

“Gentleman friend?” Balthazar offered helpfully.

 

Dean swallowed.“Not at the moment.”

 

“Ooh, a prospect?” Charlie giggled.

 

“I don’t really know,” he said, pointedly avoiding Castiel’s eyes.“I guess we’ll see.”He tipped the rest of the glass into his mouth, and Castiel couldn’t help but admire the stretch of lightly tanned skin over his throat.It didn’t have Castiel’s mark on it, and his brows furrowed.That would look lovely there.

 

Charlie and Balthazar exchanged a look before Balthazar slid another whiskey to Dean and said, “Tell me about this brother of yours.”

 

Dean began talking animatedly, and Charlie scooted over to Castiel.“You like him, don’t you.”It wasn’t a question.

 

“‘S nothing,” Castiel slurred.“You’re drunk.”

 

Charlie laughed.“You are too, idiot.”He snorted.“But really, I haven’t seen you look at anyone like that.Ever.”Castiel glanced at Dean, who was telling Balthazar about Sam’s plans to become a lawyer.

 

“I can’t, Charlie,” he choked, more emotion than he’d like tinging his voice.“I can’t do that to him.”

 

Charlie sobered up.“Castiel, I know what you’re thinking, so just stop right now.”

 

Castiel grumbled something unintelligible, finishing off his drink.

 

“We helped you work through all that shit, and we’re still here for you,” she gestures vaguely to Balthazar.“You deserve love, Cassie, because you’re fucking amazing and if they ever tell you otherwise again I swear to god I’ll put them on FBI’s Most Wanted.”

 

Castiel chuckled over Charlie’s indignant, “You know I can!”

 

“I don’t know.He’s an employee, and he’s _so young_.”

 

“So?” Charlie motioned for the bartender and Castiel shook his head at him.Charlie pouted but continued.“He looks at you the same, you know.He has those lovesick puppy eyes whenever you so much as look at him.”

 

“I can’t-”

 

“Cassie, shut the fuck up,” Charlie put a hand on his shoulder.“If it’s something you want, go for it.”

 

It was then that Balthazar slipped off his chair laughing, and Dean declared that they might have all had enough for the night.

 

Charlie took Balthazar back to his hotel room, and Dean and Castiel were once again alone in an elevator.They were also still drunk.“What were you and Charlie talking about?” Dean’s eyes were lidded.

 

“Jus’ how my life’s goin’,” Castiel slurred a little, one hand on the wall for support.

 

Dean chuckled.“You don’t drink much, do you?” he asked.

 

Castiel shook his head.“The last time I was this drunk was at Gabriel’s thirty-fifth birthday party.”

 

“How old is he now?”

 

“Thirty-nine.”Dean giggled, and the elevator dinged to signal their floor.

 

They walked towards their doors, Castiel aware enough to keep an appropriate distance from him.They stopped in front of Dean’s door.

 

“G’night, Dean,” Castiel said as always.

 

“Night Cas,” Dean replied.

 

_Kiss him!Kiss him now!_ Castiel’s internal monologue screamed.His lips were right there, all pink and parted.They probably tasted like whiskey.He could just-

 

No.No, he needed to get the fuck out of there.He stumbled away, two doors down to his own door.Just as he fished his keycard out, he heard a little groan from Dean.

 

His eyes snapped to the man, who was leaning his head against his door.“Lost my keycard,” he muttered.

 

“There’s one in your hand,” Castiel stated dumbly, the little blue card dangling from his fingers.

 

Dean thunked his head against the door.“It’s your spare, just in case you lost yours.‘S okay, I’ll just-”

 

“Stay in my room,” Castiel blurted.Dean looked at him with wide eyes, and he cleared his throat.“I mean, my room has a couch.It’s really late and you should sleep or the plane ride will be hell tomorrow.”Yeah.Good justification.

 

Dean looked at the floor, weighing his options.Castiel was about to take back the stupid suggestion when Dean said, “Okay.Thanks, Cas.”

 

Castiel held the door open for Dean and let it close behind him.It felt weird having Dean in a hotel room with him.It felt strangely intimate, but also distancing.Dean looked around, a little lost, until Castiel snapped out of it and got with the program.

 

“Here, uh, pajamas,” Castiel handed him a spare pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, pulling out a set for himself.“You can take the bed, it’s too hard for me anyway.”

 

Dean clutched the clothing tightly, as if someone were about to take them from him.“You sure?” he asked quietly.

 

Castiel nodded.“The couch will be better for my back.”They stood, staring at each other for a moment, before Dean nodded and disappeared to the bathroom.

 

Castiel changed quickly and pulled a pillow and blanket to the couch.He wasn’t lying, it was actually quite comfortable.He fiddled with his phone until Dean came out, clothing fitting tightly over his muscled chest.Castiel’s sweatpants hung low on his hips, revealing just a hint of the sharp lines that lead to-

 

Jesus.Castiel could _not_ get a hard-on with Dean in the room, however attractive he looked in his clothes.He averted his eyes, hearing the ruffle of the comforter on the bed.All was quiet, until Dean murmured a, “Thanks, Cas.”

 

Castiel snuggled down into the cushions.“Of course, Dean.”He fell asleep surprisingly quickly.

 

o o o

 

A soft whimpering sound woke Castiel from his REM sleep.He was groggy, but he heard it again, a sort of soft, pained moaning.

 

It was Dean, clutching the pillow like a lifeline, sweating and grimacing.He was having a nightmare.Castiel went over to the bed, trying to shake Dean awake.“Dean,” he mumbled, voice low with sleep.He grasped Dean’s forearm.“Dean!”

 

The Winchester sat bolt upright in the bed, wide eyes wet with unshed tears.He looked around, uncomprehending until his sight fell on Castiel.“Cas?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Castiel murmured.“It’s just a nightmare, you’re fine.”

 

Dean swiped at his eyes, movements fumbling with exhaustion.He was still holding onto Castiel’s wrist, and when he lay back down, he tugged on it.

 

Castiel froze.Dean was still kind of asleep and potentially still drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing.But Castiel was also kind of asleep and potentially still drunk and didn’t know what he was doing either, which is what he told himself when he slipped under the covers next to Dean.The Winchester rolled to bury his head into Castiel’s chest and was fast asleep.

 

This couldn’t be happening.It was just a dream.Things like this didn’t happen to Castiel in real life.He wasn’t lucky enough to have Dean in the same bed as him, cuddling up willingly.He was warm, and Castiel allowed himself to card his fingers through Dean’s hair.He had imagined that Dean used gel to get it to stick up like it did, but it felt soft and clean in his hands.

 

Castiel bit back a groan.Here Dean was, in his arms.How easy would it be to explore Dean’s skin, if only innocently?Press a chaste kiss to his cheek?He couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t.He was only in the bed because Dean asked him to be, kind of.Anything else was a violation.

 

Castiel stilled himself and eventually managed to relax into the mattress.With the smell of Dean in his nose, he fell asleep.

 

o o o

 

Castiel woke up slowly.He was first aware of how amazingly he slept.No nightmares, no restlessness... just sleep.He was then aware that there was a body next to him.And not just any body.

 

Dean’s.

 

His eyelids flew open.Holy shit.He was pressed up against Dean’s back, one arm draped around his torso and one under his head.Dean had stuck one leg back between Castiel’s.They were tangled together, spooning.

 

Castiel was elated and completely freaked out.What did he do?Did he just go back to sleep and hope for the best?Try to move without waking Dean?Actually wake him up there?No no no, that would not happen.

 

Slowly, Castiel disentangled himself from the Winchester and pulled out a set of clothes, sneaking into the bathroom and turning the shower on cold.After the wakeup adrenaline wore off, Castiel discovered that he was hungover.That was a feeling he didn’t miss.

 

Despite how cold the water was, Castiel could still feel Dean on him.He could remember perfectly how his head felt cradled in his arms, and how soft his hair was.He muffled a groan.Why did he let Dean pull him into bed?It was so much worse now.He’d cut off his left arm just to snuggle back up against the Winchester.

 

With a defeated sigh, Castiel warmed up the water and took care of himself silently.

 

He was out and dry and dressed in record time, shutting the door behind him to find Dean stretching.They made eye contact.

 

“Oh, morning Cas,” Dean said in a sleep-gruff voice.

 

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel kept his tone polite, like he hadn’t just jacked off in two minutes to the memory of _cuddling_ the man.

 

Dean grabbed his clothes from the previous night and headed towards the bathroom.“I’m just going to change and go get another key from downstairs,” he called, shutting the door.

 

“Right, yes,” Castiel mumbled, sitting down on the little couch. he sat awkwardly for a few minutes until Dean stepped out in rumpled dress clothes.

 

“Thanks for letting me stay,” he gave Castiel a little smile.The older man wondered if he even remembered what happened.

 

“Of course,” the Novak nodded, and Dean left the room.

 

Castiel packed up his things and watched some reality show on television until it was time to check out of the hotel.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean was more tired than Castiel thought he would be. On the flight home, he fell asleep almost immediately. Castiel tried not to observe him, but it brought up the memories from that morning, and he couldn't help the flashes of fantasy. Dean sleeping in his bed was a particular favorite of his, and it made something clench in his chest.

 

For the first time in a long time, Castiel took a sleeping pill to get through the flight. He loved flying, the Air Force had been his dream, but this time, he longed for the ground. He needed a little bit of time to think, some time away from the cloud of happy hope that Dean brought over him.

 

They touched down and he said only a few words to Dean while waiting for the cars. Dean was quiet...Maybe he remembered last night.The Novak wondered if he was quiet because he felt awkward or uncomfortable around him now.

 

This is why Castiel was so wary of things like this. He had a taste of Dean, even if the taste was only holding him in his arms, fully clothed, for a few hours.  That little bit increased his longing tenfold, and even now his hand itched to take Dean's in his.

 

A car pulled up and Dean motioned to it. "This one's for you, Cas," he gave him a little smile.

 

"Oh, you take this one Dean," Castiel stepped back.

 

"Nah, it's cool, I have another ride coming."Dean checked his watch.“Maybe.”

 

Castiel’s mouth opened and he knew he was going to say something without thinking.“We can just share this one.”

 

Dean blinked at him.“Okay.”

 

Maybe he wasn’t used to having things shared with him, like the room and the car.The driver made to load their luggage in the back, but Dean picked up his suitcase easily.“I got it,” Castiel heard him say.The driver smiled and loaded Castiel’s, who had paused to admire the ease of which Dean lifted the heavy objects.

 

The inside of the car was a little bit like the inside of the elevator, but less charged with the driver in the front.They both sat in the back, looking out the windows.There was only six inches between their hands, and Castiel wanted to curl his fingers in Dean’s like he curled them into his hair.

 

Dean had showered before they left, obviously, but Castiel could now detect the scent of mint from the hotel shampoo and the ever present spice and leather that clung to him.With a tiny side glance, Castiel could see Dean fiddling with a button of his shirt.

 

“Where to?” the driver asked, breaking the silent spell.Dean said nothing, so Castiel gave him the address, and they were off.

 

“What did you think of the convention?” Castiel found himself asking.He didn’t like this silence, it wasn’t comfortable like their other ones.

 

“It was... interesting,” Dean shrugged a little.“Not anything like I expected.”

 

“We won’t be going to another for a long time.I dislike conventions.”He said the last part to himself, but Dean still heard.

 

“Were you forced to go or something?The only people you ever smiled for there were Balthazar and Charlie,” Dean peered over at the older man.

 

_And you,_ Castiel finished mentally.“I just needed a little time out of South Dakota, and this was available.”Not a lie.Dean nodded and sat back.“Charlie and Balthazar like you,” he added.

 

Dean looked back at him and grinned.“Really?”

 

The corners of Castiel’s mouth quirked up.He loved Dean’s smiles.“Yes, they were quite taken with you.”

 

“They’re pretty great.You sounded like you had fun in college.”

 

Castiel chuckled.The reasons why weren’t great, but he did enjoy his time there.

 

It was then that his phone buzzed.He clicked his closest brother’s name.“Gabriel?”

 

“They’re not gone yet,” the man sounded out of breath.“Michael says he wants to see you and Dad won’t leave without him.I’m _this close_ to throwing punches, I swear to god.”

 

Castiel felt the blood drain from his face.He refused to be within one hundred yards of them.“Dean, please tell the driver your address now,” the Novak said as calmly as he could.

 

Dean looked worried, but didn’t comment.He told the driver his address.“I just need thirty more minutes, then I’ll resort to threats.I’ll call you when it’s safe,” Gabriel hung up, and Castiel put his phone in his jacket pocket quietly.

 

There was a moment of silence, Castiel’s head riddled with memories and panic, wondering if he could hold his own if it came to physical violence.Again.

 

There was a warm hand on his arm, and he turned slightly startled eyes to Dean.His green ones were filled with concern.“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

 

Castiel gave a short nod, and Dean raised his eyebrows.He saw right through it.“I will be,” Castiel said firmly, and Dean seemed to accept that.He removed his hand, which Castiel missed, but kept it a little closer between them.

 

The driver drove a little under ten miles from Castiel’s house to a nice looking apartment building.It was lightly sprinkling now, and Castiel got out of the car wordlessly to help Dean with his bags, even though the younger man insisted that he got them.

 

“You sure you’re okay?” Dean asked cautiously, bags standing nearly forgotten at his side.

 

Castiel sighed.“Just some unwanted visitors.I’ve been assured that they’ll be gone soon.”

 

Dean looked up at the tall apartment building behind him.“You could stay with me, if you need to,” he said somewhat shyly.

 

Castiel’s heart leapt into his throat.That would be an ideal situation...But he couldn’t.He needed to have some sort of control over himself.It sounded so nice though.

 

Instead, he gave Dean a little smile.“I appreciate the offer very much, but I sadly have a lot of work to do before tomorrow.Two meetings to prepare for, as you probably know.”

 

Dean chuckled, thinking of the huge boxes of Castiel’s papers and all the files no doubt on his computer.“At least let me know when you’re home safe, okay?”

 

The Winchester looked so concerned and sincere, and Castiel melted a little.“I will.” _This is the part where you kiss him good night,_ his brain supplied unhelpfully.He nodded, and Dean nodded.When the eye contact was severed, Castiel fell back into the car.

 

He watched Dean until the door to the building swung shut, then asked the driver to continue on.

 

Castiel was about to ask the driver to drop him off at the nearest cafe when Gabriel called.“All clear,” he confirmed.“I’m the only one out here.”

 

“I’ll be there shortly,” Castiel sighed into the phone, relieved.

 

Gabriel looked somber when Castiel pulled up.They unloaded his bags quietly and the younger Novak unlocked the door and turned on the lights.

 

Castiel’s home was his sacred space.Not even Anna had stepped foot inside, only Gabriel.He was the only one that deserved to.The foyer was wide and open, leading into a sparsely decorated living room.Castiel was proud of the designs; the hardwood floors, soothing taupe colored walls, and assorted comfortable furniture made his home feel serene and safe.It was sparse, but well loved.

 

The kitchen was also a lovely space, but the only thing in it that Castiel was interested in right then was the bottle of whiskey sitting primly on his counter.“Did you resort to threats?” Castiel asked, pouring Gabriel and himself a generous glass.

 

“I... insinuated,” he settled on.

 

Castiel turned on his automatic fireplace, wishing for once that he could make one himself, with real wood and hard work.No matter.The brothers sat on Castiel’s gray couch together, sipping their whiskeys and staring into the flames.Castiel didn’t cry, but Gabriel put his arm around the taller man all the same.

 

“I’m in over my head,” Castiel whispered.“With everything.”

 

“I’m here for you,” was all Gabriel said.He was the only one that really understood how to Deal with Castiel like this.He didn’t question his emotions or tell him what he should think or press him for every detail.He didn’t shame him or tell him that it was years ago, get over it.He sat there, lending support, and that’s really the only thing that Castiel could ask for.

 

He couldn’t tell Gabriel about his deepening emotions for Dean.He couldn’t tell him how waking up with the Winchester in his arms was the happiest moment of his life, or that when he smiled at Castiel, he thought his heart was going to beat right through his chest.Gabriel would tell him that he deserved to be with Dean, even if he knew he didn’t.

 

He had made a promise to Dean, though.When Gabriel had left and Castiel lay thinking in his bed, he pulled out his phone and scrolled to Dean’s name.

 

_Castiel:I am home safely._

 

He sent the message before he could over-analyze it, and the little typing bubble popped up immediately.

 

_Dean:Good, I was starting to worry haha_

 

Castiel smiled at Dean’s concern, then the typing bubble appeared again.

 

_Dean:Lemme know if you want to talk about whatevers happening, k?_

 

Castiel snuggled down into his sheets, a warm wave washing over him.

 

_Castiel:You will be the first person I come to._

 

_Dean:Good :)_

 

The smiley face sent a weird little rush through Castiel, as if he were a teenager again.The feeling was not unwelcome.

 

_Castiel:I will see you tomorrow morning._

 

_Dean:Gocha.Sweet dreams Cas_

 

_Castiel:Sweet dreams to you as well, Dean._

 

He was smiling.His lips turned upwards without him even knowing.Castiel put his phone on his bedside table and snuggled down into his nest, sighing contently.How strange it was that only a few typed sentences from Dean could make all of his pent-up anxiety vanish.

 

He fell asleep quickly, stifling his conflicting thoughts about the absence of Dean.

 

o o o

 

The next few days went by without a hitch.Dean was the perfect personal assistant, always on top of everything, with every detail of Castiel’s life memorized.Castiel had never been so efficient with his work.

 

He was pretty sure Dean was flirting with him too.The man would find every excuse to come in to his office, laughing at his terrible jokes and touching his arm or shoulder.He told Castiel more stories about himself, like how he got that jagged scar on his arm from jumping off the roof when he was twelve to prove that he was Batman, or how he learned how to grill the perfect burger from a mute Chinese man down the street.

 

In return, Castiel admitted that the extent of his culinary knowledge was making pasta with store bought sauce, and he frequently leaned closely over Dean to read something he had pointed out on his laptop.He knew he shouldn’t be encouraging any of these flirtations, let alone initiating them, but his control was growing weaker and weaker.

 

It was about a week later that Dean came bursting into his office.“Can we use company funds for technically company-related things?” he said, out of breath.

 

Castiel looked at him, wide-eyed.“Yes, why-?”

 

“Thanks!” Dean ran back out the door, grabbing his coat.Castiel was truly perplexed, until Dean returned an hour and a half later.

 

“Cas, I’ve officially brought you into the twenty-first century.You’re welcome.”He stood proudly in front of three ransacked apple store bags.

 

“I- I do not understand,” he stuttered.

 

“I’ll explain then.”He grabbed Castiel’s hand and led him to one of the chairs in the corner of the office.Castiel went, focus immediately zeroing in on the feeling of Dean’s hand.It was soft and warm.The voice in his head that told him not to touch was getting fainter and fainter.

 

When Castiel slumped into a chair, Dean carefully arranged an array of products in front of him.He began to explain what they were, and how he was going to transfer information onto them and they would all update together because of clouds or something.Castiel was too busy admiring the light in Dean’s eyes when he talked animatedly.

 

“Got it?” he asked.

 

Castiel had barely heard a word.“You will probably have to explain it to me several more times,” the corners of his mouth quirked up and Dean laughed.

 

He sat at Castiel’s desk with his laptop, Castiel’s laptop, two iPads, one of which was attached to a land line phone, and both of their cell phones.He typed away, prodding the screens with perhaps more force than necessary.“Sammy could do this so much faster,” he muttered at one point.Castiel had dragged up a shorter chair from the corner of the room, content to sit and watch.

 

It was then that the work phone rang, ‘Caller Unknown’ popping up on the iPad’s screen.Dean picked it up diligently.“Castiel Novak’s office.”

 

Dean glanced at Castiel.“Let me see if he’s available.”He put the phone to his chest and mouthed, “It’s your father.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened and he shook his head.“I’m sorry, Mr. Novak is busy at the moment.Can I take a message?”He listened for a few seconds.“His schedule is very full.I can relay a message for you, and that’s about it.”A cold edge crept into his voice at the end.“I’m aware sir, but-Could you just-No, I’m really-”After another few seconds, Dean pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it.“He hung up on me.”

 

Castiel sat back, overwhelmingly glad that Dean saved him from that conversation.He almost didn’t want to ask, but he had to.“What did he want?”

 

“He said to tell you that he wanted to talk.He was,” Dean huffed, “annoyingly persistent.”

 

“Oh,” Castiel said quietly.

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds.“Remember how I said I was here if you wanted to talk?” Dean looked at him earnestly.

 

Castiel nodded.He may as well get a little bit of it off his shoulders.That way, Dean will be prepared the next time he called.“I... don’t have a very good relationship with my father,” he looked at his hands, clasped tightly in his lap.“I had a painful childhood, in a literal sense.”He peered up at Dean, as if he were an angel on judgement day.

 

Dean looked... sympathetic?“I know what you mean, actually,” he said softly.When Castiel tilted his head in confusion, Dean went on.“If you mean what I think you mean, I got the same treatment.Didn’t matter if what I did was my fault, he’d hit me all the same.”

 

Castiel let out a huge breath, simultaneously relieved and angered.He was one thing, but Dean?Why on Earth would anyone think of hurting Dean?The Winchester must have understood the look on his face.“It’s okay, you can ask.I made peace with it a long time ago.”

 

Maybe if he heard Dean’s story, he could work up the courage to share his own.“When did it start?” he asked.

 

“I guess... I guess it really started when my mom died.I was four.”Castiel remained silent.“It was kinda my fault she died.I left the stove on, and something caught fire.In the end, I got Sam out the door, but my dad couldn’t get her.And he was never the same.Started drinking.”Dean shifted in his seat.“It wasn’t physical after that, not for a few years.Just verbal.The physical stuff really started when I was about ten.”Dean was quiet for a second.“He blamed me.And I took it, because it was my fault.”

 

Castiel felt a huge knot in his chest.He knew the words that always came next, _I’m sorry._ But those kinds of apologies are always empty words, substitutes for real sympathy because they just couldn’t relate.

 

Castiel did what he knew, and nudged his fingers over Dean’s.The Winchester gave him a little smile and twined the fingers together.“Your turn?” he asked rather than said.

 

The Novak sucked in a breath.“I don’t remember when it started.It had just always happened.My mother died in childbirth with me, her youngest, and my father blamed me as well.”The words rushed out of him all at once.“He was a neglectful man, and when he noticed me, he treated me roughly.If anything went wrong in his life, he would take it out on me.Sometimes he didn’t even have a reason.I think he just found it fun.”Castiel stopped.This was just about fathers.He was most definitely _not_ going to tell Dean about Michael.

 

“I’m assuming it stopped?” Castiel redirected the conversation at Dean.

 

The Winchester cleared his throat.“Yeah, it did when I was nineteen.He died.”

 

Castiel’s mouth open and closed wordlessly. _I’m sorry_ sat at the tip of his tongue again, but he swallowed it down.Wrong words.And he wasn’t even sure if he was sorry that a man who would hurt Dean was gone.

 

“You?” Dean asked.

 

Castiel stared at him for a long moment.“I...”How did he say it?“I don’t know if it has stopped, actually.”

 

It was Dean’s turn to utter a little, “Oh.”

 

“I haven’t seen him in seven years now, despite how often he attempts contact, and our last meeting came to blows.It was a terrible Christmas.”

 

Dean’s fingers tightened in Castiel’s.They sat there for a long moment.“I guess we have more in common than we thought,” he chuckled darkly.After a few moments of companionable silence, something beeped on one of the laptops.

 

“Okay, so that mean’s everything’s synced into the Cloud.Remember iCloud?So now when you do this...”Dean and Castiel dropped the subjects of the past in favor of figuring out the technology of the future.If they sat a little closer or had a little more intense eye contact, well, that was just a coincidence.


	7. Chapter 7

Several more days passed and Castiel was pulled farther and farther into Dean’s spell.He found himself marveling at how amazing Dean was multiple times a day, in multiple ways.He was so self-deprecating, but incredibly smart.He was attentive, but independent.He was open and honest with Castiel, and the Novak was starting to forget why he was resisting at all.

 

It was the next Tuesday that Dean announced that they were going to have to work late.

 

“I found all your handwritten files,” he stared at Castiel, who raised an eyebrow.

 

“Well done?” he asked more than stated.What did this mean?

 

Dean huffed.“Let me rephrase that.I found eight years worth of handwritten stuff that needs to be put on a computer.”

 

Castiel slumped in his chair.“Really?”He didn’t have anything to do that evening, but it sounded like _hours_ of work.

 

Dean rubbed his eyes.“Yeah.Two questions: do you have whiskey, and when is it appropriate to start drinking?”

 

Castiel chuckled and handed Dean his card with the order to get whatever he wanted for dinner and bring back a good bottle.Dean brought back two gigantic bacon cheeseburgers and a large bottle of twelve year old Bulleit Rye.Dean held up the bag and the bottle, and Castiel groaned in appreciation.

 

It took a full hour to haul every box of paper from a storage room on the floor below.Castiel could have asked some of his employees for more help, but he didn’t.Maybe it was the thought of taking on a big project with only Dean that drove him to push on, and he didn’t mind the physical work.

 

Every last box was up in Castiel’s office nearly an hour later, and employees were starting to leave for the day.Dean, however, was just settling in with his burger, a spot for Castiel set up on the chair next to him.

 

“This is an excellent cheeseburger,” Castiel commented around a mouthful of meat, bread, and toppings.“Where did you get it?”

 

“Roadhouse,” Dean swallowed thickly.“Wait til you taste the whiskey.”

 

They got to work, sorting through what seemed to be every piece of paper Castiel ever owned.They worked, but they also talked.And laughed.Castiel didn’t even have a whole glass of whiskey in him, but he felt pleasantly warm.

 

He had shed his jacket and removed his blue tie.Dean’s jacket was off and his tie was gone, thrown somewhere along with his jacket.His sleeves were rolled up, wonderfully toned forearms working to move stacks of paper and boxes.They had been playing that stupid question game again, and Castiel was ridiculously pleased about it.

 

“Tell me about your last relationship,” Dean asked him.

 

Castiel actually had to think hard about that.“The last _real_ relationship...Oh, that would be Ezekiel.”Castiel spoke his thoughts aloud.“I was just out of grad school, and he interned at the firm I’d just been hired in.Lasted about seven months, I think.”His relationship attempts had been pitiful.Ezekiel had been nearly ten years ago.A whole decade, and none of his potential partners ever amounted to anything.That’s why he’d stopped looking.

 

“A while, huh?” Dean sipped his own whiskey, nodding.

 

“And yourself, Dean?” Castiel asked, curious.

 

Dean colored a little, and not from the one glass of whiskey he’d had.“I, uh, I dated a girl named Lisa my junior year of high school.”

 

Castiel’s brow furrowed.“Is your preference of men a recent thing?”

 

Dean set his glass down and leaned back in his chair.“No, I just...I didn’t think it would be best if my dad knew.”

 

Castiel offered him a sympathetic smile.If only he’d been able to keep quiet like Dean.“And after your father died?Did you not find anyone to pursue?”

 

Dean gave a nervous chuckle and averted his eyes.“I actually haven’t ever been with a guy.You know.In that way.”

 

Oh. _Oh._ Castiel’s lips parted in shock, and he could almost feel his pupils dilate.So, in that sense, Dean was a virgin.Fuck.The images that assaulted his head were dizzying, nearly making his knees buckle.

 

He decided it would be best to sit on the floor now.Dean had never been with a man.Never given a blowjob, didn’t know what it felt like to be opened up and filled until he thought he might rip in two-God dammit.

 

Castiel was sure that Dean could read his every thought as it passed over his face, but the younger man didn’t seem afraid or uncomfortable.He just looked at Castiel with a little half smile on his face.

 

After a second, Dean hefted a box of papers in his hands and stood, probably going to take it across the room.Instead, he slipped on a few stray sheets and fell directly to the ground.The papers fluttered up and Dean sat on the ground, his lips in a surprised ‘o’.

 

Castiel couldn’t help it- he burst out laughing.So hard, in fact, that he tipped over to the ground.Dean begun to laugh too, and somehow they were next to each other, sides pressed together.Castiel turned and stopped laughing.

 

He and Dean were horizontal.He was propped up next to Dean’s prone form, the man staring up at him with something akin to awe in his eyes.

 

Castiel was barely aware that one of his hands had come up to rest comfortably on Dean’s stomach.He barely registered that their faces were mere inches apart.All he knew was the heat radiating between them and the ache that could only be soothed by Dean.

 

Dean’s pillowy lips were parted and his pupils blown wide.His green eyes, beautiful emeralds and hunter and gold, darted down to Castiel’s lips.Had he licked them?He wouldn’t be surprised.Dean’s hand came up to rest on Castiel’s bicep, fingers firm.

 

“Dean,” Castiel breathed.He didn’t have anything to follow that with.He was just saying that beautiful name.Dean.

 

“Kiss me,” Dean commanded.Castiel heard the two words and something inside him snapped.

 

It was instantaneous.Castiel’s lips were on his and it was _glorious_.His mouth moulded around the Novak’s, insistent.Dean was making these beautiful breathy sighs and Castiel drank them down like water in the desert.He could feel his own unconscious humming reverberate in his chest.

 

Kissing Dean was like stepping foot in a beautiful chapel, if he were as devout as he was to Dean.It filled him with a tingling sun-warmth presence that trickled down all the way to his toes.His hand slid from Dean’s stomach to his hip, and Dean pulled at the front of his shirt, fabric gripped firmly in one hand.His knee rested between Dean’s legs and he let a bit of his weight press onto the man beneath him.

 

_If I'm a pagan of the good times_ _, my_ _lover's the sunlight._

 

Dean arched into him.He tightened his grip on Castiel’s shirt and slid his other hand into his messy black hair, fingers tangling desperately.

 

Castiel slid his tongue along the seam of Dean’s lips and the Winchester accepted it eagerly into his mouth.Dean tasted even more amazing than Castiel fantasized about.He was all whiskey and honey and spice and _something_ that made Castiel’s head spin.If he could bottle the taste of Dean and sell it, he’d make billions, but he wanted it all to himself.

 

Dean nipped at his bottom lip and Castiel groaned, letting more of his weight fall on top of Dean.The younger man’s hips were pushing into his thigh, a diamond-hard length rubbing almost painfully against the layers of fabric separating them.Castiel flexed his own hips, showing Dean just how much he had affected him as well.

 

Dean made a noise low in his throat and began to squirm against the Novak, frantically searching for more friction.Castiel pulled Dean flush against him, manhandling the man until he could stand, the Winchester clinging to him.

 

Castiel managed a few steps before sitting back into the cushioned chair, pulling Dean firmly into his lap.Dean broke away from Castiel’s lips, and the Novak almost seized up in panic.Thankfully, Dean reattached his lips to the juncture between Castiel’s neck and shoulder, hot tongue flicking against the thin skin.Castiel let out a rumbling groan, thankful that the building was empty now.

 

Dean shifted forward into his lap, bringing their matching erections together.Dean grunted into the Novak’s neck.It was then that he realized that there was that whole expanse of skin that Castiel hadn’t explored before, and with little preamble, he pulled the end of Dean’s shirt out of his slacks.

 

Dean’s skin was so soft and warm, stretching wonderfully over built muscle.Castiel felt it shift and jump under his palms as he mapped out every inch of Dean’s back.The Winchester leaned back, hands flying to the buttons of Castiel’s shirt.He was surprised at the deftness of Dean’s fingers; in seconds, his shirt was wide open with Dean’s exploring hands everywhere.

 

Castiel was quick to mirror Dean, undoing his buttons with a ferocity he didn’t know he had.Dean’s toned abs were revealed and Castiel pressed his fingers into him, enjoying the hitch in Dean’s breathing.He was burning hot and Castiel mouthed at his neck, drinking in his taste.

 

_My church offers no absolutes, she tells me ‘worship in the bedroom’._

 

He nipped and sucked and licked his way along Dean’s clavicle, relishing in his breathy moans.On a whim, he pulled Dean further into him and bent his head to flick his tongue against Dean’s pebbled nipple.The responding “Aaah!” spurred him on, sucking the pink flesh into his mouth.His teeth grazed over it, and Dean whimpered.

 

Castiel offered the other nipple to the same treatment, only breaking contact when Dean rutted against him.“Cas,” he groaned.“I need...”

 

“What do you need, Dean?” he growled, gripping Dean’s hips tightly and rolling his own against them.

 

“I, fuck, I need you,” he panted, threading his fingers through the Novak’s dark locks.

 

Their mouths collided again, Castiel’s tongue mapping Dean’s mouth.If there was one thing Castiel do it was multitask.His hands slid down Dean’s chiseled torso to his belt buckle.Slowly, so Dean could move away if he wanted to, Castiel freed the leather and popped the button, tracing the bits of skin revealed.

 

Dean rutted forward, and Castiel finally pulled the zipper down, relieving the building pressure.He palmed Dean through the thin line of his briefs and swallowed the wanton moans the action drew out of him.

 

“You too,” he mumbled, his grip on Castiel’s hair the only thing anchoring him.

 

Castiel quickly undid his own belt and slacks, going so far as to free himself from the confines of his underwear.Dean rolled his hips against him again, and Castiel gasped, the contact so much better than he imagined, even if it was still through a layer of fabric.

 

His hand slipped into Dean’s briefs and grasped his length firmly.The reaction was perfect- Dean arched towards him with a whimper, biting down on Castiel’s lip.Castiel felt his moan vibrate in his chest.

 

_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin._

 

Castiel wanted to taste Dean, but there was no time, only need.He pulled Dean completely free of the fabric and circled both of their impressive lengths in one hand, the friction sending sparks up his spine.

 

“Fuck,” Dean choked, bucking up into Castiel’s hand.

 

There was enough precome dripping between the two of them to ease the slide of Castiel’s fist.He started the pace slow, but he knew it wouldn’t last long.

 

“God fuck Cas,” Dean babbled, burying his head into the Novak’s neck.

 

“Dean,” Cas drew out the syllable, twisting his hand on the upstroke.

 

His movements sped up rapidly, Castiel mouthing at the muscle of Dean’s shoulder.“I can’t... Cas...” Dean’s voice was almost pained with need.

 

Castiel snuck his hand down from Dean’s waist in between his cheeks, brushing lightly at his furled entrance.“Come for me, Dean,” Castiel growled, and Dean complied with a muffled shout, vibrating with his release.

 

The pulsing of Dean’s length and knowledge that he was the first one that had ever touched Dean in such an intimate place send him over the edge, his very skin lit on fire with the force of his pleasure.

 

They came down slowly, and Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel’s.They were silent for several long moments.“Wanted this for so long,” Dean murmured, kissing Castiel gently.

 

The Novak stroked Dean’s jaw with his clean hand, enjoying the moment for as long as he could.Dean was boneless against him, just really sliding his lips over Castiel’s, not even a kiss.Just contact.Intimacy.

 

Castiel had never felt so whole in his entire life.He felt as if in that moment, his spirit was unblemished, absolved of all sins by this perfect man petting the hair at the nape of his neck.

 

_I was born sick, but I love it._

 

A painful edge moved through Castiel’s sated haze.They couldn’t do this again.There were so many reasons why they couldn’t.And honestly, no matter how Dean made him feel, his sins could never be absolved.His spirit would remain blemished forever, and Dean didn’t deserve that.He should be with someone just as bright and strong as he is.

 

Castiel let out a slow breath.At least Dean had a good first experience.He could at least give him that- a good memory to build his future encounters on.

 

He soaked in the feeling of Dean in his arms for as long as he could before pulling away from the kiss.He memorized Dean’s face then, how it looked full of contentment and affection.He memorized that look given to _him_.He moved his thumb across Dean’s bottom lip, which parted automatically.He gave Castiel an easy smile, but the Novak’s face remained impassive.

 

Dean’s brows furrowed, and Castiel dropped his hand.“We should get cleaned up,” he said quietly, glancing at the sticky mess on their stomachs.

 

Dean was still giving him a confused look, a tiny bit of hurt on his features, but Castiel ignored the sharp pang of sadness and guilt in his chest.

 

When they were sure the coast was clear, the two slipped into the men’s restroom and washed off as best they could, donning their shirts quickly.The mess of papers on Castiel’s floor was forgotten, and they both walked silently to the parking garage with their belongings.

 

It came time for them to go to their separate cars, and Dean turned to Castiel.

 

“Cas-”

 

“I will see you tomorrow,” Castiel cut him off.

 

Dean recoiled, as if Castiel had slapped him.The Novak forced his features to remain impassive, even though he could feel the warm sting behind his eyes.He turned quickly, offering Dean no good night as he always did.He couldn’t, he just couldn’t.

 

He slid into the front seat of his Corolla and turned over the engine, but didn’t move to drive away.It wasn’t until he heard the roar of Dean’s Impala fade into the distance that he buckled his seatbelt and shifted in reverse.

 

_Offer me that deathless death, good god, let me give you my life._


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel didn’t remember much the rest of the night, just that he made it home in one piece and drank enough to sleep without dreaming.He woke with minor physical pain, but that was the least of his worries.

 

It was Wednesday now, and he had to get up and go to work and be Dean’s boss.He had to look that man in the eyes and pretend like everything was okay.Maybe the subject wouldn’t even come up.

 

Castiel arrived at the office an hour earlier than usual.He cleaned up all the fallen papers and began typing up the sorted ones.

 

He heard Dean come in at the usual time and set all his things down.He focused on typing. _Knock, knock._

 

“Come in,” Castiel called, though he already knew it was Dean.He kept his face firmly fixed to the screen in front of him.

 

Through his peripherals, he saw the younger man walk in somewhat nervously.He was silent, typing away, but he wasn’t focusing on the right words.“Cas,” Dean said, voice faking as much confidence as it could.

 

“Yes?” Castiel’s eyes never left his computer.

 

There was a long pause before Dean’s shoulders sagged.“I’ll type up the rest of those.It’s my job.”

 

Castiel gestured to a box on one of the chairs, the one he could never sit on again.Dean picked it up and stood there, presumably looking at Castiel.He pretended to examine one of the papers and continue typing, though it was all gibberish now.

 

Without another word, Dean left the room.

 

The second the door closed, Castiel slumped down in his chair, hands pressing into his eyes until he saw spots.His throat was tight and his chest burned unpleasantly.Was this what it would feel like forever now?Would this depressing desperation fade with time?He was pretty sure the answer was no.

 

The rest of the day was painful, to say the least.Dean accompanied Castiel to his two meetings and announced his laundry list of duties for the rest of the week, and in return Castiel made little eye contact and gave monosyllabic answers.He knew that he was being a complete jackass, but he couldn’t take much more contact.The few times he glanced up into Dean’s eyes, his heart clenched with the look of pleading and hurt and confusion there.

 

They parted ways at the end of the day with a mumbled “Good bye” and a curt nod.

 

Thursday Dean was angry.

 

He prodded the keys of his laptop as if they had personally offended him.His knock on Castiel’s door to indicate a visitor was far too sharp, and the only times he looked at the older man was with burning eyes and a clenched jaw.

 

Friday, Dean was resigned.

 

He didn’t walk into Castiel’s office.“Your board meeting is in ten minutes,” he said quietly into the phone’s little intercom before hanging up.He sat unobtrusively in the corner and took notes without the cute little comments.He even requested permission to leave a little early.

 

Castiel granted it, though he didn’t know what it was for.

 

He planned to figure out how to continue on that weekend.He would give Gabriel all of his alcohol, and his credit cards, and his keys, just to hold for two days.He would work and clean and run and scrub his skin raw and do _something_ to make him feel like he was doing the right thing, like he was worth something.

 

The sun was just setting when he dragged himself out of his office and to his car.He’d give Gabriel the alcohol tomorrow.Hopefully he wouldn’t ask questions.He didn’t want questions right now.

 

Castiel dropped his key fob into a cupholder and pressed the engine start button, but nothing happened.He frowned, and did it again.After several attempts, he knew what happened.The little light switch, though unlit, was set to on.His battery was dead.

 

Great.Just wonderful.The icing on top of the disappointment cake.After a moment with his forehead on the steering wheel, he called a tow truck.There was no one around to give him a jump.

 

He rode in the tow truck quietly, avoiding small talk with the driver.He lost track of time, so he didn’t know when they arrived Singer Auto.It was dark and he was tired, and the bearded man at the front desk looked at him with sympathy.

 

“My battery is dead,” Castiel explained.“I believe I need a new one.”

 

“We can do that,” the man gave him a smile.“Just wait here, won’t take too long.”

 

And then- “Bobby, can I just-”Dean came in from the back room and stopped, deer-in-the-headlights look clear on his face.Castiel must have looked the same way.Why was Dean here, in an auto shop?Had he left work early to work here?He wore ripped jeans and a t-shirt, but it wasn’t dirty, so he wasn’t working.

 

“Never mind,” Dean muttered, but didn’t move.The word snapped Castiel out of his stupor, and he looked down as Bobby left the room.

 

A silent moment stretched between the two.“We need to talk, Cas,” Dean said quietly.

 

“Dean-”

 

“No,” he cut Castiel off, firmly this time.“We’re going to talk about this shit.Come on.”And Dean let himself out the side door into the chilly winter air.

 

With a sigh, Castiel followed him.They walked out into the snowless junkyard, out of hearing range of the shop.Without warning, Dean whipped around, staring intently at the Novak.“Well?” he demanded.Castiel blinked owlishly at him.Dean huffed.“You mind telling me what the hell has been going on the past few days?”

 

Castiel rubbed his hands together.“I don’t...” he looked up at Dean, who was giving him the ‘no bullshit’ look.Castiel swallowed thickly.“I must apologize for Tuesday.I should not have done... what I did, and I am sorry.”

 

Dean’s jaw dropped open.“Sorry?Why would you be sorry?”

 

Castiel’s brow furrowed.“I...We can’t be together, Dean.”

 

Dean crossed his arms.“Why the hell not?”

 

Castiel motioned vaguely at the Winchester.“There is such an age gap between us-”

 

“Not good enough,” Dean retorted instantly.

 

Something twinged in Castiel’s chest.“I can’t be with an employee-”

 

“Not good enough,” he grit his teeth.

 

“You deserve better,” Castiel dropped his eyes.There.That was more than good enough.

 

Dean uncrossed his arms.“What does that mean?” he almost growled.

 

Castiel sighed.“It means you deserve better.Someone better than me.I’m not worthy, I’m not...”Castiel choked back the overwhelming swell of emotion.“You are still clean, Dean, and I’m tarnished.I refuse to drag you down with me.”

 

Dean’s fists balled up.“You’re not tarnished, Cas.”

 

“I am!” Castiel’s voice rose.“Don’t you get it?You have years before you have to settle down, and you should spend them finding someone without all the baggage I carry.I will weigh you down, Dean.I’ll weigh you down and take all your youth and when you finally realize that I’m too damaged to repair, you’ll have wasted your best years on me.”Castiel took a shuddering breath, blood rushing in his ears.“We can’t be together because I refuse to ruin your life.”

 

“That is a hot load of bullshit,” Dean’s voice was hard, and he stepped forward.“Ever thought that I want to take on your baggage?Huh?Did you ever think that maybe I’d given up my youth a long time ago?Did you stop for one _second_ and think that what we did a few days ago ruined me for anyone else I could _ever_ hope to find?”Dean’s eyes were burning, but with passion rather than anger.“Take me off that fucking pedestal, Cas.”

 

Castiel’s fingers pulled at his own hair.“You just don’t understand-”

 

“Then make me understand!” he shouted.“Tell me what happened to make you think like this!Because you’re damn wrong about everything you’ve said tonight and I need to know why.”

 

“You want to know why I’m so tarnished?”Castiel wasn’t completely in his right mind at that point, but maybe if he spelled it out for Dean, he’d finally get it.“I told you about my father, how he abused me my whole life.We were religious, and I was the abomination.Because I like men, I was going to hell.He told me I couldn’t be saved, and he’d beat me until I couldn’t move.But the worst part-” Castiel’s fingernails dug into his palms, “the worst part is what my brother would do afterwords.Michael would drag me up to his room after my dad left and he’d rape me while I was too weak to fight back.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened, and it fueled Castiel’s fire.“That started when I was thirteen. _Thirteen_.And if I struggled, if I made one sound of protest, he’d talk with my father and the whole process would repeat again.He’d fuck me and wipe away my tears and tell me that I _deserved_ it, that I was unclean to begin with and this was some sort of _repentance_ to work off my sins. _He’s_ the one who told the Air Force recruiter about me, and I didn’t fight back.He and my father are the reason we went to Baltimore, and the reason I couldn’t go to my own fucking house until Gabriel threatened to call the cops if they didn’t leave.

 

“My mother died giving birth to me.My father beat me, my brother raped me, my sister did nothing, and no one would listen to Gabriel.That is my baggage, Dean, it’s something I can never come back from.I can’t, Dean, I can’t, I can’t...”

 

Castiel was unaware that tears had begun to fall.He was unaware that he had sunk to his knees until they hit the rough pavement.His head bowed before Dean, the moon shining behind his head like a halo.“You deserve so much more than me.”

 

Dean was quiet for a long moment, but Castiel kept his head down.He didn’t want to see Dean’s back when he turned to walk away.

 

Instead, his scuffed boots appeared on the ground right in front of him.“You think I’m clean, huh?” Dean said a moment later.Castiel said nothing.“Get up,” Dean commanded.

 

Castiel did, numbly.So he wouldn’t just walk away.He didn’t peg Dean for the kind of guy that would pile more hurt on, but he deserved it.He didn’t have enough restraint, he couldn’t have done the right fucking thing for once.“Look at me,” Dean’s voice was soft.

 

His blue eyes met the pools of green and gold, their color not dimmed by the darkness in the slightest.Castiel couldn’t quite read his expression, but there was no malice in it.“Now it’s time for you to understand why none of that matters.”Castiel made to contradict him, but Dean held up a hand.“Shut up, you had your turn.”

 

The Winchester took a deep breath.“When I was little, I started the fire that killed my mother, I told you that already.If I wasn’t here, she’d still be alive.Sam would have had both parents raising him, and my dad would have never started drinking, and he probably wouldn’t have wrecked his car.He’d be alive.So it’s my fault my parents are dead, basically.You were hit for _who you are_ , you didn’t deserve it.I was hit for _what I did_ , that’s why I did deserve it.And my dad reminded me every day since I was four just how much I deserved it.

 

“Not only did I indirectly kill my parents, but when my dad didn’t leave us enough money for food, I’d steal some.I stole whenever I got the chance, and I gave most of it to Sammy, because at least he could grow up to be big and strong and make something of himself.”Dean’s voice grew softer at this.“I took all his drunk beatings because my dad was coming at him when he was _six years old_ and didn’t understand why he was angry.I took it all, because I thought I deserved that.I raised Sammy, tried to be his mom and dad, because he was the only thing I had left.And I knew that one day, he’d grow up and leave me for better things, and I encouraged it, because then he’d at least be happy.I gave up my childhood a long time ago, Cas.I didn’t ever really have one to begin with.”He took a much needed gulp of air.

 

“And you,” he chuckled humorlessly.“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.I was pining for you before you even knew my name.God, Cas, _you’re_ the one who doesn’t understand.You do so much for everyone else, and you never ask for anything in return.These few weeks I’ve been around you I’ve smiled more than I have in my entire life.And on Tuesday...” Dean ran a hand through his hair, almost embarrassed.“Tuesday was the best day of my life.No one, and I mean no one, has ever looked at me like you did.You looked at me like I was worth something, and then you pulled away.And that hurt more than any hit I’ve ever taken, because you’re the best thing that’s ever going to happen to me, and you will never convince me otherwise.I don’t need to use my twenties to explore my options or some shit, because there’s only one option I want.”

 

Dean looked like he was fighting off tears now.“Point is, if you’re tarnished, then I’m filthy.So don’t you think that we are anything less than equals.”Dean raised his chin.“The only way I will ever leave you is if you tell me that I mean nothing to you.”

 

There was a long pause while Castiel’s head reeled.Through all of that horrible shit Dean described, Castiel’s reaction hadn’t been to recoil.He just wanted to hold him and comfort him and tell him that he would protect him, that nothing bad would ever happen to him again.Is that what Dean thought of Castiel?It wasn’t possible for Dean to feel that was about him, but he just told him he did.He sounded so passionate.There was zero room for doubt that Dean meant every word, and the thought that Castiel might mean something to someone, someone like Dean, was new and heady like too much whiskey.It was hard to process.

 

“Well?Do I mean nothing to you?”The hard edge to Dean’s voice was gone, replaced with uncertainty and barely concealed panic.

 

“You mean everything to me,” Castiel said.

 

Dean sighed in relief, and Castiel pulled the younger man to him.They stood there for a while, just holding each other in the chilly air.Castiel could feel Dean’s fast heartbeat against his chest, and after a few minutes, it synced up with his.

 

A soft buzzing came from Dean’s pocket.He was going to let it ring, but Castiel nodded at him to at least check who it was.

 

“Yeah?” Dean said evenly.Pause.“Okay.”He then hung up.“Bobby says your car’s ready.”

 

They still didn’t move.Dean buried his face into Castiel’s neck, sighing contentedly against him.Castiel held him tightly around the waist, one hand coming up to card through his hair.

 

Castiel had not expected this to happen, not in a million years.But here Dean was, in his arms and outright will his feelings.The Novak squeezed him a little tighter.There was still something between them, regardless of how much of a jackass Castiel had been the past few days.Dean still wanted him, and god did Castiel want Dean.In every way.

 

“Dean?” Castiel murmured before his nerve fled.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“How would you feel about being in a relationship with me?”

 

Castiel could feel Dean grin against him.He pulled back to look at the older man, eyes glowing with happiness once again.“You askin’?”

 

Castiel couldn’t help the matching smile spread across his face.He nodded.

 

Instead of words, Dean grabbed the back of Castiel’s neck and kissed him.It was different from before.Not gentle, but not lusty either.Castiel poured all the emotions he felt into that kiss.It said _I’m sorry_ , and _Thank you,_ and _You are worthy,_ and _I am worthy_.It was a promise.


	9. Chapter 9

Eventually the two broke apart and walked back to the auto shop, hands clasped between them like lovesick teenagers.

 

The distance seemed much shorter than when they stormed out, and Bobby sat in the shop polishing some tool, a tire iron, maybe.When Castiel and Dean stepped through the door, the bearded man glanced down at their intertwined hands.Castiel didn’t see the look Dean gave Bobby, but Bobby’s face immediately softened.

 

“How much do I owe you?” Castiel asked, dropping Dean’s hand to pull out his wallet.

 

“‘S on me,” the old man grunted.Castiel opened his mouth to protest, but Bobby held up a hand.“Really.Not get outta here.”

 

“Hey Bobby, do you mind...” Dean gestured outside, and Bobby’s eyebrows rose.

 

“Really?” he asked, surprised.

 

“Yeah.”After a second, Bobby nodded.

 

Castiel watched the exchange with mild confusion, but didn’t ask.He was on cloud nine and wasn’t ready to come down yet.

 

Dean followed him out of the shop and Castiel slipped an arm around his waist.He swallowed, unsure if he should voice what he was thinking.He did anyway, which happened a lot with Dean.“I think if you leave me now, I’ll wake up tomorrow and think this was all a dream,” he muttered.

 

Dean tried to hide his stupid smile.“If you’re asking me to go home with you, I’m saying hell yes.”

 

Castiel grinned, and they got settled into Castiel’s Corolla.The engine started quietly.“Some day, I’ll take you driving in my Baby,” Dean murmured, tipping his head back against the seat.“She’s the best car, no offense.”

 

“None taken,” Castiel smiled.There was a moment of silence.“Are you sure you’re ready, Dean?I mean, for every aspect of a relationship?” he asked nervously.

 

Dean gave him a teasingly exasperated look.“I know I’ve never been with a guy before, other than Tuesday with you, but I think I’ve fantasized about you enough to be more than ready.”

 

Castiel shivered at the thought of Dean sprawled in his bed, hand wrapped around his aching length and Castiel’s name on his lips.“I’m glad,” was all that came out.He needed to control himself so they wouldn’t crash.

 

He turned on the radio to calm them both, and that song came on.“ _Command me to be well_ _.Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.”_

 

Dean snorted.“Overplayed,” he muttered, but listened regardless.

 

He didn’t know how long it took to get to his house, but he was suddenly standing at the door, twisting the key expertly in his hands, about to share his private space with Dean.

 

The second the front door was closed, Dean was on him, octopus-like limbs wrapping desperately around him.Castiel gave it back with all the force, but none of the urgency.If he was going to have Dean like this, he was going to do it the right way.

 

Dean whined as the Novak’s hands caught both of his, pinning them securely to the door over his head.“Patience,” he whispered, trailing his tongue down the shell of Dean’s ear.The man was already shaking, and they didn’t even have their shoes off.

 

When Dean stopped struggling for dominance, Castiel released his hands and put his own to better use.One toyed with the hem of his shirt, sliding his fingers teasingly along the stripe of skin exposed.The other tangled gently in the short golden hair, tilting Dean’s head up for better access.

 

His lips tasted like some sort of foreign delicacy, sweet and new and addictive.Castiel pulled one between his teeth and rolled it delicately, tiny amounts of blood vessels bursting to swell, red and raw.He soothed the reddened skin with his tongue.

 

The inside of Dean’s mouth was even more exciting than he remembered.His tongue was eager, even once he submitted to Castiel.It slid along his, brushing each taste bud with fire.Castiel’s tongue glided over the roof of Dean’s mouth, and the man gave a full body shudder.

 

This was different than Tuesday in the office.Castiel needed to explore every centimeter of Dean’s skin, discover every dip and line.He was going to unravel this man, tear his being apart and remake him with his touch.But they needed to be horizontal for that to happen.

 

Castiel’s hands palmed at Dean’s denim-clad ass and the man pushed back into them, but Castiel had other plans.His hands dipped lower, to the back of his thighs, and he hoisted the Winchester up into his arms.Dean squeaked in surprise, but wrapped his legs around Castiel’s waist all the same.

 

Somehow, Castiel made it to his bedroom without pushing Dean against the wall and rutting against him until they both exploded.He set Dean down on his feet, and the green-eyed man’s hands clenched and unclenched, as if looking for something to do.Dean was obviously not used to being manhandled, but it was also obvious that he enjoyed it very much.

 

After a moment, Dean toed off his boots and began to lift up his shirt.Castiel batted his hands away.“Let me,” he nipped Dean’s ear and the younger man’s hands fell away with a shudder.Castiel took his time pushing the fabric up his body, running his hands along the uncovered skin and pressing gentle kisses to Dean’s jaw as he did so.

 

The shirt slid off Dean’s back, revealing his unbelievably chiseled torso, lightly tanned and dotted with freckles.Castiel was going to count those freckles.With his mouth.

 

A breath hissed out of Dean when Castiel knelt in front of him, fingers tracing lightly along the waist of his pants.Deft fingers slid the belt out of its buckle, and he gripped Dean’s hips firmly.With a quirk of his lips, the Novak undid the button of Dean’s jeans and pulled the zipper down with his teeth.“Fuck,” Dean groaned when his mouth left him.

 

Castiel chuckled low in his throat.Dean was frozen, breathing hard as his skin was revealed inch by inch.The blue-eyed man’s hands pushed Dean’s jeans off, and he gripped Castiel’s shoulders to steady himself as he stepped out of them.The socks were removed and Castiel made quick work of Dean’s black briefs.He made sure not to touch Dean’s heated flesh as the fabric was torn away.

 

Dean stood, bare, in front of a kneeling, fully clothed Castiel.

 

Castiel’s eyes traveled up his form, flawless in every way.From his curling toes to his flushed cheeks, Dean was truly god-like.But for the shaking and thin sheen of sweat, he could have been a marble statue.Castiel’s eyes took in his parted lips, heaving chest, tightening abdominal muscles, and finally, his perfect, mouth-watering length.It was an angry red, with precome already beading at the tip.

 

“Cas,” Dean breathed.A request?A word of affection?A prayer?

 

“On the bed,” Castiel ordered quietly.“On your stomach.”

 

Dean blinked slowly, then nearly fell backwards to acquiesce.He sprawled out on the fluffy duvet, folding his arms under his head for support.When he turned his head, he could see all of Castiel.

 

Castiel then took his own clothes off.Trench coat, suit jacket, tie, dress shirt, slacks, briefs.Dean stared at him the entire time, lips parted and eyes dark.A tingle ran up Castiel’s spine to have _that face_ directed at him.

 

They were both equally bare, and the Novak crawled over Dean, eyes sweeping over the expanse of warm skin.“Beautiful,” Castiel murmured.He pressed a single kiss between Dean’s shoulder blades, and the man whimpered.Pink tongue darted out, tasting the sheen of sweat on the golden skin.It was heady.

 

Dean couldn’t hold back little breathy moans as Castiel’s tongue and fingers mapped out his back, identifying thin scars and sensitive spots and all those freckles.He nipped at the nape of Dean’s neck and the younger man thrust his hips into the sheets, unable to control himself.

 

Castiel moved away and bit back his overwhelming hunger.“On your back,” he ordered.

 

Dean flipped over and stared up at Castiel with big, trusting eyes.He was flushed red from his hairline down his chest, fingers already grasping the sheets.His member jutted proudly from between his legs, twitching impatiently up at him.

 

Castiel sucked in a huge breath.No one who hadn’t seen Dean like this could ever understand what salvation was.This was it, the real salvation.

 

“Cas,” he said again, accompanied with a little thrust of his hips.

 

“Dean,” he could only breathe back.

 

Castiel traced a finger over Dean’s curled toes before grasping his foot and pulling it off the bed.Dean looked confused for a moment before a toe was slipped into Castiel’s mouth.A little breath of shock escaped him when his tongue swirled around it.Castiel released it and moved to nose at the arch of his foot, Dean laughing breathlessly.He bit down, and the laugh became a squeak.He didn’t have a fetish, but the foot was still an erogenous zone.

 

Castiel’s tongue found the line on Dean’s ankle where soft golden hair began.He traced his way up Dean’s muscled calf, nipping and licking while his fingers kneaded the flesh gently.Dean jumped when his teeth scraped behind his knee.

 

Castiel mapped all the way to his shaking upper thigh before letting him go and repeating the whole procedure again with the other leg.Dean groaned in pleasure and impatience.“So good,” Castiel murmured, and Dean melted back into the sheets.

 

When his legs were done, Castiel grasped Dean’s hand and traced over each finger.Dean opened his previously-closed eyes and watched a finger disappear into the cavern of Castiel’s mouth.His digits tasted like soap and paper and the same sort of musk that the rest of his skin seemed to exude.

 

He made sure to curl his tongue around the finger, tracing a line up the inside and hollowing out his cheeks.Quiet, breathy noises filled the room.Dean was probably unaware he was making them.Castiel drank them in, repeating his sucking motions with each finger.His wrist followed the fingers, and then his inner arm, the skin softer than Castiel had imagined it would be.A bite to the inside of his elbow elicited a little gasp from the Winchester, and Castiel grinned devilishly.

 

He nibbled up to Dean’s clavicle, lapping up the drops of sweat greedily.Dean’s head fell back at this, exposing more beautiful skin for Castiel’s sampling.

 

Dean’s breaths were becoming less breathy and more like moaning as Castiel kept a constant movement over his skin.He traced his veins and marked the thin, sensitive areas of flesh.Teeth dragged down Dean’s ear, and he suckled a spot behind it that made his hips thrust up again.

 

Castiel moved away again, and Dean nearly sobbed.“Please, Cas,” he begged.

 

“Soon, love,” he promised, taking his other hand in his mouth.When he got to the other side of Dean’s neck, the man was a shaking mess on the bed.Castiel could tell Dean was using all of his willpower to keep himself from begging.Again.When Castiel knew he was about to snap, he claimed Dean’s lips again.

 

Sweat shone on Castiel now.His own erection screamed at him for touch, friction, anything, but he needed to possess Dean, _all_ of him.

 

Down his torso he went.Castiel paused at one of Dean’s nipples, pink skin hard and bunched from cool air and arousal.The Novak licked one delicately, and Dean let out a little, “Uhhh.”Castiel closed his lips around it and swirled his tongue, giving it the attention it deserved.Dean’s hands came up to Castiel’s head, scrambling for some kind of purchase.Castiel bit down on the abused flesh and Dean’s grip tightened.

 

Castiel’s head retreated and he focused on the other, licking and sucking and biting until Dean’s breathy moans returned.“Cas, please,” Dean finally begged, and Castiel hummed against his skin.

 

The Novak mouthed down Dean’s perfect torso, stroking the shivering skin as he moved.As he descended, he could hear above him, “Fuck fuck fuck.”

 

After teasing for so long, Castiel came face to face with Dean’s angry red member.“I’m going to make you come three times tonight, Dean,” Castiel growled.“Can you do that for me?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean croaked.“Fuck yeah.”

 

Castiel breathed hot air over Dean’s length and it twitched violently.He started with gentle licks up the shaft, and Dean threw an arm over his face, groaning loudly.Castiel alternated flattening his tongue and pointing it, worshiping Dean’s flesh.

 

When he knew Dean was about to ask for more, he gave Dean what he wanted and took his member into his mouth.“Oh god fuck,” Dean clenched the sheets in his fists as Castiel slid his lips lower and lower.As he came up, he hollowed his cheeks and dragged his tongue along the thick vein at the bottom.He repeated this motion several times, Dean’s sounds growing louder and louder.

 

“Not gonna... last long...” he gasped.

 

Castiel slid all the way down, relaxing his throat until his nose brushed Dean’s trimmed pubic hair.He begun rhythmically swallowing around him and cupped his balls gently, rolling them in his fingers.

 

“Ahh!” Dean cried, voice getting higher and higher.With one last forceful squeeze and a low hum, Dean screamed his release, the sound echoing off the high ceilings.Castiel swallowed around him, moaning at the salty liquid in his mouth.

 

He cleaned Dean gently as he came down, twitching with the force of his orgasm.“Holy... shit...” he breathed, heart racing.

 

Castiel sat back, inspecting his work.Dean sprawled out on the bed, boneless and sweating.His skin was flushed and his eyes were lidded and he was absolutely beautiful.

 

“That was one,” Castiel growled, and Dean whimpered.He gave Dean a few moments to slow his heart rate before he ordered, “On your stomach.”

 

With some assistance, Dean managed to roll over.Castiel’s strong hands kneaded into his muscles, erasing what little tension remained.Dean let out a little “Ungh,” when Castiel placed a wet kiss to the small of his back.

 

Castiel’s hands moved south, massaging the muscles of Dean’s ass, parting his cheeks to reveal his furled pink entrance.

 

With a steadying breath, he licked a wet stripe over the puckered skin.A confused sound fell from Dean’s lips, and Castiel reminded himself that this was all new to Dean, that he was Dean’s first for all of these experiences.He licked again, but more gently, tentatively.His hands continued stroking Dean’s skin and his tongue slowly worked Dean open.

 

Dean’s guttural moans were now high pitched whimpers and whines, his face pressed into the pillow.Castiel was licking him in earnest now, this new taste of Dean even more exquisite than the last.More, he needed _more_.

 

Castiel’s hands moved to the backs of Dean’s thighs and he maneuvered the younger man into a better position: on his knees, shoulders and face still pushed into the pillows, ass in the air.Yes, this was better.

 

A spit-slicked finger rubbed at Dean’s entrance while Castiel fumbled in his bedside drawer, finally grasping his bottle of lube.He withdrew his mouth and hands, and Dean made a sound of protest.

 

“Patience,” he reminded Dean again, warming up some lube in his fingers.

 

Seconds later, Castiel’s finger stroked against the barely opened entrance.Dean was shaking again, diamond-hard length hanging heavy between his legs.Castiel envied the young man for such a short refractory period.

 

He kept up the gentle motion, pressing kisses to Dean’s pale skin.With no warning, he bit down on Dean’s cheek and pushed his finger in to the first knuckle.Dean’s cry was muffled by the pillow.It sounded more pleasured than pained, which Castiel took as a good sign.

 

He pulled the digit out and pushed it back in again, this time to the second knuckle.Dean accepted it eagerly, and without much more work, the whole appendage was inside.

 

“Good?” Castiel asked with a kiss to Dean’s spine.

 

“Yeah,” Dean grunted.“More.”

 

Castiel moved his finger until Dean was completely acclimated before brushing his prostate ever so lightly.

 

The effect was amazing.Dean’s back arched and he pushed back on Castiel’s finger almost violently.“Jesus Christ!” he called out.

 

Castiel kept his touches light, stroking Dean’s sweet spot gently with every thrust.Dean didn’t even try to hold back wanton moans, pushing his hips backwards to meet Castiel, trying in vain to get more feeling.

 

Castiel pressed his other palm to the small of Dean’s back, stilling his movements.“Cas,” he choked, but Castiel knew what he was doing.He slowly added another finger, groaning as Dean clenched around them.

 

His palm stayed flattened and his strokes stayed light, and it was only minutes until Dean was panting.“C’mon, Cas, please!” he begged, and Castiel’s ignored member twitched excitedly.

 

A little too early, perhaps, Castiel added another finger and twisted them, opening Dean with love and care.His other hand left Dean’s back and his thumb pressed against Dean’s perineum, rubbing circles.The dual prostate simulations were too much for Dean, and he came a second time, untouched.

 

Castiel withdrew his fingers gently, stroking Dean’s oversensitive skin.His release was much smaller in volume, and Castiel wiped it away quickly.Dean slumped against the mattress, and the Novak moved him this time.He laid Dean on his back again, the green-eyed man making no move to stop him.

 

Castiel inspected his work again and he realized that there were tears leaking from Dean’s closed eyes.Fear suddenly shot through him.Did he go to far?Dean said he wanted this, but he needed to make sure.The bed dipped as he crawled beside the man, petting his hair gently.“Dean?” he murmured.“Are you alright?Did I hurt you?”

 

The younger man opened his eyes and did his best to smile.“No, Cas, ‘m fine.I jus’ haven’t felt this kinda good before,” he slurred quietly.“‘S really intense.”

 

“Well then,” he murmured.“That was two.”Castiel kissed his tears away and claimed Dean’s lips.Though he nipped at the red skin, he kept the pace slow, allowing Dean to catch his breath.The flesh between Castiel’s legs was aching, begging the man to bury himself into Dean _right fucking now_.He used all of his will power to ignore it.He wanted to come with Dean, one more time.

 

It took a little longer this time, but Castiel waited patiently.For twenty minutes he kissed Dean, long and languid and loving.His fingers brushed along the sensitive skin of his torso, thumbing over each nipple gently.Dean shuddered and threaded his fingers in Castiel’s hair.

 

The kisses turned heated, and Dean was up to full mast, whimpering into Castiel’s mouth.“God, Cas,” he gasped when the older man bit down on the junction of his neck and shoulder.

 

“You ready, love?” Castiel asked.

 

“Yes,” the word came out louder than Dean probably intended, and he flushed even redder than before.

 

After placing a pillow under the small of Dean’s back, Castiel slicked himself up generously and aligned his length properly.His blunt head nudged at Dean’s entrance, and Dean pulled Castiel’s face towards him.

 

The Novak propped himself on his elbow with one arm, and cradled Dean’s head in his hand with the other.He kissed Dean, gently, and slid himself in to the hilt with one push.

 

His vision immediately whited out.Holy fucking shit.Dean’s channel was hot and velvety and _tight_ , squeezing as it acclimated to Castiel’s girth.He was, after all, wider than three fingers.His nerve endings sang, and he had to bite his lip hard to prevent himself from coming right then and there.

 

He fought through the sudden haze of pure lust that had descended, screaming, _MorewanttakefuckDean!_ Dean’s eyes were opened wide and his heart pounded against Castiel’s chest.“Breathe, Dean,” Castiel commanded, and the man took in a shuddering breath.

 

“Okay,” Dean murmured, gripping Castiel’s sides.“Okay, move.”

 

Castiel pulled out and pushed back in, sparks of pleasure shooting up his spine.“Fuck,” he hissed.Dean could only moan brokenly.Castiel did it again, and again, determined not to completely lose himself in Dean.Not yet.

 

He pulled Dean’s legs up and they automatically wrapped around him.The new angle allowed him to- right there.Castiel hit the magic button and Dean cried out, nearly hitting his head against Castiel’s headboard.

 

 _That_ was when the Novak began to lose himself.Dean was clenching and unclenching around him, sweating and shaking and whimpering, clawing at every bit of Castiel’s skin that he could reach.Castiel balanced on the knife’s edge, teetering between holding on and shattering.

 

There was a fire consuming him, delicious tingling heat burning through his every nerve.He felt no aches or muscle strain or pain from Dean’s nails.He had become nothing but intense pleasure, Dean’s blissed out expression mirroring his.This was heaven.Castiel nearly wanted to pray so he could feel Dean like this for all eternity.

 

Dean could no longer speak, not to say Castiel’s name or even beg.Just nonsense syllables fell from his mouth, high-pitched and desperate.

 

When the Winchesters entire body began to spasm, Castiel reached down and grasped Dean’s length firmly, pumping it in time with his own strokes.Seconds later, Dean’s body seized up, his orgasm taking him with a yell so loud that it couldn’t have _not_ woken the neighbors.

 

His channel clenched perfectly around Castiel and the Novak fell right off the edge, letting the fire consume him.Dean’s body welcomed his release, and they came down together.“Three,” Castiel croaked as he pulled himself gently out of Dean and collapsed next to him.

 

The two men lay spent and exhausted, unmoving for several minutes.They didn’t speak, Castiel couldn’t form words.A part of him knew he should get up and clean Dean off.The Winchester’s third orgasm had been relatively dry, but Castiel’s own covered Dean, and it must be unpleasant.

 

He made to get up, but Dean grasped weakly at Castiel’s wrist.“I’m just going to clean you up,” he murmured, but Dean didn’t let go.

 

Instead, he turned his beautiful green eyes on him.“Stay.”It was a command, but tinged with uncertainty.Castiel’s chest ached wonderfully, and he snagged a shirt to make do with.

 

The soiled shirt was tossed somewhere off the bed, and Castiel pulled the blankets around them both.Dean melted into his side, head resting comfortably on Castiel’s chest and an arm thrown over him.The older man’s fingers dragged through Dean’s golden hair, gently massaging his scalp.

 

“Are you alright, love?” Castiel asked.

 

“Yes,” Dean murmured.“Cas, this... I don’t even know how to describe this.”

 

Castiel chuckled.“Just tell me that it was good.”

 

It was Dean’s turn to laugh.“Understatement.”

 

Castiel pressed a kiss to the top of Dean’s head.A stupid smile made its way across the Novak’s face, and he did nothing to stop it.Dean was was going to beat down his insecurities, force Castiel to take him off the pedestal he’d put him on.Dean was determined to made Castiel see that he himself was human too, a human that had baggage and made mistakes and was as flawed as Castiel was.No matter how hard he tried, though, he would never get Castiel to think he was anything less than perfect.

 

There was really nothing left to say.They were both drained and he was pretty sure that Dean had already fallen asleep.With one last kiss to Dean’s head, Castiel closed his eyes and allowed himself to be pulled under.


End file.
